First of all, the day before we left for Atlanta we went to a rooftop concert in downtown Provo with Jenny's kids and Debbie. There was an awesome cover band who did the whole Abbey Road album. We sang out loud to all the songs and I was so excited to use my Beatles knowledge (given to me by Sir Andrew Colin Beckikus) to better enjoy that opportunity. It was sooo fun!
We arrived in Atlanta and went over to my Grandpa's house. That night was the Hoppin' John dinner of black eyed peas and rice with cornbread. Our topic of discussion was the most important thing we own. Half of the reunion is made up of my family since it is way big. There were great answers and our family brought the most tears. I said my tweezers jokingly but then talked about my wedding ring and Andrew while crying. My Dad said the same thing. Little 11 year old Christian tenderly said his scriptures and Andrew talked about how this blog is his favorite, since the wedding ring had been overdone. Mom brought out the big guns and pulled out a very intimate family posession. She had a plaster done of Chet's hand right after he died. She had it made into bronze so that we could always hold it. It got big tears out of me and Josh. Joy and Laura did not want to deal with those feelings as much right then. It was a rush of emotion that was a bit too intense for an extended family get together. Nevertheless, that is such a precious posession and it was neat to be able to hold his hand again. Oh man, by the end of the dinner, I was all cried out.
Sunday we took family pictures and took a family walk around the neighborhood. Andrew and I had a great talk with Joy and Quin and we shared funny youtube videos.
Monday morning I watched little Josh and realized he is dang cute. Our 4th of July party was lovely as always. Andrew spent the first 45 minutes making awesome name tags for a ton of people. It was fun to hang out with my cousins who are now all grown up. We ate lots of nutterbutters and I had the most amazing banana pudding! Andrew was dying in the humidity but it was like 90% humidity that day. I don't think we will be living anywhere humid. I forgot how much it makes you sweat.
Tuesday started the craziness. That morning I ate some vegetables from Laura's garden that were cooked with some eggs. I got some hives right on my upper neck. They said it was an allergic reaction but I thought nothing of it. That night we arrived at Callaway Gardens. We stayed in a cabin in the woods. It was very nice. We ate salad and raw vegetables from the garden. 5 hours later my body was covered in hives and I was scratching like a mad woman. The only veggie I had never eaten before was a sweet cowhorn pepper. I took benadryl and then steroids for the hives. I was knocked out all of wednesday and almost passed out when I went outside. I had aches and chills a couple nights before and believe I had a viral infection during this whole allergic break out (if it was an allergic breakout and not a symptom of the viral infection).
Thursday we had F.H.E. together where the kids sort of failed at playing the improv game called "I'm a Tree."
Friday, me and my sibling went shopping together and bonded. That night we saw a flying circus.
It was good to be with my parents and siblings and play with the kids. It was very much a have fun and have an on the surface relationship with each other. People still have issues with each other and some of the family was there because it is important to let the children spend time together so they don't forget their cousins or grandparents. It is sad that there are so many underlying issues in the family that were masked by a fun vacation where we don't talk about the real problems. I wouldn't want that to be what our vacation is about but when looked at truthfully, people put on their fake smiles and obliged my parents so that we could make a fun vacation for everyone. It makes me sad that there are hard feelings and unhealthy relationships between the people I love. Life and love is not easy. I am so glad that my marriage with my husband is very healthy and that is what matters the most. I really appreciate the relationship Andrew has with his mom, Debbie. They had to work hard to get to where they are now but they can be really honest with each other and voice their unhappiness with things. That is much more healthy than keeping it all in and acting like there is not a problem. I don't feel that my parents are able to be real with their children like Debbie is. They seem to have to keep up this appearance that everything is fine.
Recently, I have been more aware of unhealthy marriages and I am just taken a back by the mask that people put on. You would never know they were having problems and then one day they are not married anymore. Obviously people don't want to flaunt their problems but atleast be honest about there being problems. Andrew and I have learned the the number one indicator of divorce is if there is contempt in the marriage (this is from John Gottman's 4 horsemen). If you ever see a short look of contempt or hear someone talk about the spouse with a bit of contempt in their voice, there is a good chance that marriage is on its way out. Those true feelings come out ever so slightly and can be masked with some positive interactions, which is where we as onlookers who don't assume the worst get tricked into thinking everything is perfectly fine. It seems so obvious that negative feelings toward a spouse would be so detrimental but many people don't pick up on it in a social setting where people try to be civilized and not show their true feelings. One thing that I have seen in some relationships is sarcasm where the couple puts each other down trying to be funny. It is just a way to hide your true feelings of contempt and will slowly eat away at your relationship. I try to stay away when I meet someone who feels that sarcasm is funny. I kind of want to analyze relationships more now.
It's fascinating.
