Tolerance and Agency

Legal Prostitution and Drugs

The Dutch have a very tolerant mindset so our mormon perspective on marriage was openly received at the party. That being said, yes, prostitution and many drugs are legal here, and yes I usually smell a whiff of marijuana everyday on the streets. If you don't go by the Red Light District then you don't really see the prostitution presence. We stumbled upon it and were offered a "Live Porno Show". We immediately turned down the nearest street. Making morally bad things legal is not about giving your stamp of approval on the acts but more about keeping these things in the publics eye (instead of underground trafficking and secrets that can lead to a demand because it is taboo) to be understood instead of causing vicious cycles of arrests, jail, and desperate acts so as not to get caught. There are tons of advocates for these legalizations and you can read their arguments in more detail.

I am not a government official and I don't get to decide laws that affect society in this way. If that was my job, those would be hard decisions to make based on what is best for society. I do however have the opportunity to raise my children in a home that I will make a sanctuary from this world of declining morals. I get to teach my children to decipher between truth and error and to govern themselves the best they can so that they can find true happiness. That is my job as a mother and I will be taking that very seriously. I think it strengthens my testimony of the commandments of God, when I see the negative effects that prostitution and drugs have on the world. It would be better if they did not exist, but I can understand the glory of light better when I have seen darkness. I hope my children are exposed to those dark things in some small amount so that they ask themselves if what they believe is true, and find out on their own after hearing the wise counsel of their parents.

I love agency. As a Mormon, the idea that keeping my children sheltered from the world (this is how many parents raise their children in Utah Valley) is not the approach I want to take when it comes to gaining a testimony. I have talked to many parents in Utah who have told me that raising a child in Europe or outside Utah would just be too hard. To have so many evil influences and have a small community of church members to draw from, would cause their children to fall away from the Gospel. That mentality is in a way showing your lack of confidence or belief in your child's agency. I told them that even though my children could easily be influenced by their environment outside the home, my guidance as a parent has a more profound influence on my children.

One parent said they liked having the constant church influence on their kids. That included the people they associate with (which is your whole neighborhood) and they liked attending church with strong members (which could be interpreted as people who seem to have perfect lives and don't sin or struggle). I personally like attending church where the Gospel is alive and working to change and shape people. It should be a place where you share the hard things you are dealing with and ask for people to pray for you or help you. Missionary work is in effect everywhere you turn and you are constantly given opportunities to bear your testimony. That is reality and that is how the church is outside of Utah. Sadly, people are too afraid to leave Utah because it means they might raise their children in a city of sin. * Getting off my Utah Church Culture soapbox*. That parent also knew that going to the LDS school I taught at also takes care of the teaching responsibilities they had. Yes, that reinforcement is good, but it is not as reliable as what comes from our mouths as parents, the source of truth that is always there for our confused children. Overall to me, it sounded a bit like lazy parenting because that parent didn't want them to be challenged by the influence of the world since that meant taking on a more active role.

I was talking to my students about the Family: A Proclamation to the World and we talked about how marriage is ordained of God and is made to be between a man and a woman. One of my middle schoolers shouted out that homosexuals are bad. I remember feeling so frustrated with the fact that this child is being taught by someone that the person is bad and not the sin they are committing. I bet he was not the only LDS child in that school who was not being taught the difference and therefore will continue to perpetuate the thought that Mormons hate gay people. I did a quick correction of his comment and moved on.

During the election, there were many instances where I saw so much dislike for Obama around school- aged children. In discussing the 12th Article of Faith about honoring your leaders, I asked the Primary children about what important event happened in America that week. None of the little kids knew, but when I mentioned Obama being re-elected as our president, a little boy of maybe 5 said Obama's name in a disgusted way and pointed his thumb downwards. According to what was shared, no one in that room came away from the election remembering that citizens got to have a voice and vote, but rather that the liberal candidate who is still leading our country, is bad. I was so glad that the Church issued a statement that said it is our duty to pray for and support Obama and his office, and I definitely told the kids that. Utah is a conservative state indeed, but I fear too many LDS parents are not taking the great opportunity that elections bring. They get to teach their children that they, individually, can research the issues and decide who would best represent them as president. It is okay that you have a different opinion than your parents. That means that you can think for yourself. Indoctrinating without allowing the child to discover for himself is a kind of mindset that drives me crazy when it comes to some LDS parents. By the way, I was a Romney supporter.

You gain a testimony after a trial of your faith. I can teach my child that drinking alcohol is bad, but they will not truly know if they believe it, until they actually decline an offer to drink. I saw instances like that happen to me over and over growing up in Florida. I remember being a bit tempted since I was curious. Those offers actually solidified my belief that I didn't want it because I felt uninterested after a while. Teenagers want to be different, and for me, being Mormon was different enough. My husband grew up in Provo surrounded by tons of members of the church and turned out just as strong in his devotion to the Gospel (he might have had a bit of help from the hoods of Philly where he served his mission). His testimony wasn't really challenged like mine was, until his mission. Of course it is possible to grow up in Utah and be an awesome member of the church. Plenty of my friends have also done it. All too often, people, my husband not included, tend to be sheltered and led to believe that Utah is the only place you can live if you really want to be a Mormon. Many times Andrew has told people at BYU that he was raised in Provo, and a lot of times people said they thought he was from California. Since my husband is an artist or has style and is tan, he just couldn't have grown up in Utah. What does that tell you about the perception of being raised in this community?

 Sure, every child will be different and a parent will possibly need to evaluate the extent of the effect a city environment has on the child. We just prefer to raise our children in a place and with people that foster an open mind. We want to discuss how to decipher between nudity as beautiful art that is appreciating the beauty that God created, versus nudity as a way to exploit that beauty to get attention and love. Then we get to discuss how everyone does have agency to choose how to use their bodies. We can help others by respecting their decisions and trying to teach them about God's plan for them.

Ok, but now I'm really gonna get off my Utah Church Culture soapbox.

I could go on and on about what kind of parent I want to be and I am so excited to teach our children. Thankfully, I have a husband who agrees with me on how we want to educate them. I love seeing children discover, experience things, learn, and then use what they know. It is an incredibly cool process and I am only a facilitator. I have yet to see my child make a bad decision and suffer, so I understand that it will possibly be harder to deal with than I think. I just believe so strongly that we have to let our children learn from experience and agency after having taught them truth, and then be there through the aftermath to show them that we still love them and so does God. We need to be there as a comfort and a listening ear. In the end they will feel true individual remorse (not remorse because my parents were mad at me), and they will come to feel the real power of the atonement of Jesus Christ.  It is so beautiful.

My thoughts on illegal activity randomly led to sharing my feelings about agency and parenting, but I have had many conversations like this with my friends lately and wanted to voice my opinion. I'm glad that everyone is entitled to one.