Breastfeeding Colin and Milk Sharing

Colin had a very hard time gaining weight the first month. He couldn't latch very well and so we needed to use a nipple shield while breastfeeding. Even though he would eat for an hour sometimes, he just wasn't getting enough. I weaned him off the shield at 2 weeks and I think maybe that caused another set back in weight gain because then he had to learn a whole new skill there. My midwives met with me often in the first 3 weeks to support me in breastfeeding but then it got beyond their expertise and I saw a lactation consultant. I started pumping and supplementing what I pumped. That was exhausting to say the least. I weighed him weekly and he started gaining 5 ounces/week (average) once I started doing that at 4 weeks old. I also weighed him, fed him, and weighed him again to see that my milk supply was not the problem. It was also strange because Colin was pooping and peeing very frequently since birth and that would indicate that he was getting enough milk. To this day I just believe his body needed more milk than the average woman could produce or something. No one could tell me why he didn't gain well.

Some babies latch right away and are champion nursers. As my friend said, it is a dance. You have to work together. Getting him to latch was extremely frustrating and I prayed so hard that he would get it. It was painful for the first 6 weeks and his feedings were so long. You don't do much else but feed infants. It takes a lot of energy to create and excrete milk so on top of being a new mom, breastfeeding is an energy sucker.  While teaching him to latch, I dreaded going to bed at night. Every time he woke up, 2 times a night, he would take 20 minutes to latch, which I was hardly excited about during the day, let alone the night.

 I went into the doctor at 2 months because I had done my best to make Colin fat and it was not working. Colin weighed 8 lbs ( he was born 6 lbs 6 ounces and weighed 5 lbs 8 ounces at his lowest). He was way off the charts for weight and the doctor told me I had to get more calories in him because this is a critical growing period and he needs to be at a certain weight. He was gaining average weight since 5 weeks old but he needed to catch up from what he missed the first month.

This is when I got really frustrated. I knew he needed to gain weight but I didn't know how else to do this and I felt the doctor didn't help me much.

I take a doctors word and then I combine it with my mothers instinct. I am a crunchy mom if you couldn't tell by my choice to have a natural birth, breastfeed, cloth diaper, cosleep, attachment parent, wear my baby, feed him organic and unprocessed food, not vaccinate, and my choice to use homeopathic remedies. When he mentioned formula, I told him I did not want to do that and he gave me the "I was a formula-fed baby and I turned out alright" speech. Yes formula keeps you alive and does its best to replicate important nutrients, but right along with the "I was vaccinated and I turned out fine" speech, fine is not what I strive for for my child. I want thriving and healthy and people settle for less in my opinion. I bet a smoker would say he's fine after smoking a pack a day. I don't think people realize how much healthier they could possibly be if they avoided many of the things they put into their bodies. If the doctor had told a different mom who wasn't as strong in her breastfeeding convictions as me, that she could supplement with formula, she could have easily let go of breastfeeding and just continued to exclusively bottle feed. Believe me, the thought crossed my mind sometimes. Anyway, I cried in his office because I was doing everything I could and I wanted breastfeeding to be easy. Hah! I heard it could get tricky but I couldn't even imagine until I was in the thick of it. And guess what? My situation was not remotely as challenging as some womens'.

After looking back on my situation that day in the office, I realized that I was frustrated because I told the doctor I was pumping and supplementing after seeing an LC and all he could tell me was that I needed to find a way to get more calories in him and that might mean formula. Knowing my persistence with breastfeeding, what I needed was an explanation about finding a breast milk donor and how that works because he knew I wanted to exclusively breastfeed. Doctors need to recommend, as the W.H.O. does, that women seek out donated milk before turning to formula. I needed to know where to go and where to find support. I doubt my doc tells his patients about La Leche League and I would surely hope he sends women to a Lactation Consultant. I paid him to tell me my child was unhealthily skinny (which I could see) and that formula was going to fatten him up (which I didn't want).

Some women make too much milk for one baby, so they pump and store milk in the freezer, which can be donated. This is where I am going with this post.

There is not enough support for breastfeeding women! We are becoming a minority. What would you do before synthetic nutrition in powder form came around? The wise mamas of old fed each others' babies in times of need, and wet nurses were in hospitals for vulnerable babies.

Formula is given because it is an alternative to the tough challenge breastfeeding can pose and should be a last resort after pumping and supplementing and getting donated milk. Now it is common place to push aside that very challenging and very rewarding part of mothering, breastfeeding, because there is an easier way to keep your child alive. Too many women feel formula is their only option and are then pushed into it when there is a very real and very viable other option in milk-sharing. We need to get every mother the information and support they need so that they can give their children the very best nutrition early in life.

 I am not hating on formula feeding parents here. I am hating on the medical system and society that tell parents that formula is an adequate alternative since it is the norm, or that tells us we are too busy with other mom stuff to deal with breastfeeding woes. I am pro choice and informed consent. I don't think many mamas know this is a choice, and that is the aim of this post.

 Since Colin needed fattening up quickly, formula was the easiest option for me and I wish it was more familiar to me to somehow find a donor with extremely fatty milk, than go to a store and pick up some formula. My friend Aly, a powerhouse breastfeeding advocate, was a huge support during this time and she directed me to a facebook group that also has a website called "Human milk 4 human babies", at hm4hb.net.  She also directed me to eatsonfeets.org. It brings women who are able and willing to share milk together with women who are in need. I just felt so out of my element and out of time by the time I turned to supplementing with donated milk. I supplemented donated milk by word of mouth and didn't really dive into this online system. Random women provided me with some milk which was never enough and all of that coordinating was too much effort since I didn't want to burden one person. I dove into the land of formula, knowing beforehand that it was temporary and just to get him to gain weight. I felt at peace about this decision because after 2 months of struggling, I needed quick reassurance that my child would gain weight.

Colin started gaining weight and at 4 months he weighed 14 lbs. It was a great leap in the doctors eyes and I was satisfied as well. He finally looked and seemed healthy to me and I weaned him off of formula by 5 months. Phew! There was a friend of mine who exclusively pumped many times a day and bottle fed her son breastmilk. Going though this stuff at the same time, I admired her courage, sacrifice, and persistence in offering her son the best possible nutrition. I am so glad that Colin latched or else that would have been my life for at least the first year. I am planning on  breastfeeding Colin until he decides he doesn't want to. I enjoy it so much and it offers incredible nutritional value. It is a great gift I am giving him.

This process would have been 10 times harder without certain women in my life. Thanks to my Mom who helped me go through the very hard time of weaning him off the shield and getting used to latching. Thanks to my midwife, the lactation consultant, La Leche League, my sisters, and friends, especially Aly, who offered resources and even milk! I would have never made it through that time if I hadn't made the deliberate decision to breastfeed no matter what it takes and then surrounded myself with supportive women.  It was nerve wracking to call people I didn't know and ask for help about a problem I knew nothing about. But I did it. Your body is pumping with so many hormones and you are sleep deprived so how is a new mom expected to do all the research and put forth all that effort at that time? Again, I was extremely grateful for the women who helped me figure out how to help Colin gain weight without stopping breastfeeding.

So what do we do about this?! We as breastfeeding women need to reach out to other new breastfeeding moms and help them out (La Leche League is perfect for that).  Pregnant women also need to take a breastfeeding class before giving birth and set up a network of women they can come to when they have doubts about continuing or just don't know what to do. Tell people about Milk-sharing. It isn't gross or unnatural and this should not be a taboo subject. Milk-sharing and wet-nursing should be commonplace. Donating milk is a lovely gift that breastfeeding mothers can give to one another and not enough women know that this is a viable option.

Here is a blogpost about how to get started.