Trust Me

Wednesday, Oct. 14- I spoke with mama the day after and am at peace with my life and all that comes my way now and in the future. I have so much support and I need to focus on God's will and my spiritual well-being. That is the most important stuff. Andrew and I had a really hard talk last weekend. When you love someone so much, you can experience the sweetest joy and the worst sorrow. That was one of those moments where because I love him so much, his words could hurt me that much more. We had to address some doubts in his mind about trust and commitment as well as questioning if I would be happier with another guy. I was really cut deep by that because my mind has never entertained that thought and it shocked me that Andrew still felt that I should think about that. He pushed me really hard to answer some really tough questions and analyze us. It was hard and I prayed for strength which I received. The Lord helped me say some direct things and helped me understand myself and express my thoughts and feelings. He also helped me say things that helped Andrew understand himself and us. As extremely difficult as it was, it helped Andrew overcome some issues he has been dealing with. He is fully going to trust me now and needed help with some confidence things. We went to some dark places and I am so glad that I am able to handle that so that we can both progress and be where we are now. He is trying to give me the benefit of the doubt whenever he gets a bad vibe from me. It is not intentional and not always about him, unless he is giving me that vibe first. He's very sensitive to that stuff. Things are so good and I can tell that Andrew is happier, which makes us happier. Saturday we watched Beauty and the Beast and looked at housing. We checked out this cool place and liked it a lot. We aren't making any decisions yet but we can't stop imagining ourselves in it. Sunday is so great because we have all day together AND get spiritual enrichment. Andrew started another portrait of me and pretty much finished it. I love when he draws me. He played the piano for me and it had been a while. I cannot explain what that does to me but it involves me crying out of sexual frustration.