A New Resolve and a New Look: Sidecut

Recently Andrew and I have been making some important decisions about our future and we have been infused with this strong desire to reach for our dreams and our destiny. We even stumbled upon reading "The Alchemist" at this time and didn't even know that it would be exactly what we needed to hear. If you haven't read it, stop reading this and go get a copy. It is my favorite book of all time.

Anyway, I will blog about our decisions when we have some concrete plans. It is a great feeling to be excited about whatever happens in the future because you are in control and fear isn't holding you back. I am loving our lives right now and am also enjoying living in the moment. Everyday I get to do exactly what I have always dreamed about, as tough as being a mom is. I love teaching French and now I have the best pupil. Things are only going to get more fun from here on out because Colin is getting so much cooler.

Sometimes you feel acted upon in life but I am making a new resolution to act and take charge of my situations. Assert myself and be myself. Andrew is amazing and is making things happen for himself as well and I am very proud of him and all of his talents.

I have been thinking about doing a sidecut for a couple of months since I saw it on an American girl in our ward and really liked it. I saw that it is easy to cover the shaved part up when you want to look less extreme or when it is time to grow it out. With a way to regrow it out that wasn't ugly and a strong feeling to do it, I went for it!

Maybe you are thinking, "But Ashley is so sweet and gentle. Why would she want this?" Being generous, friendly, and loving are exceptional characteristics to have and are very important. I strive with all my heart to be that way. That doesn't mean that I have to be submissive or let people take advantage of my good nature.

If you really know me, I have always been tough. I have broken my nose playing basketball, tore my ACL playing powderpuff football, and fractured my foot playing soccer. I was a goal keeper in High School. I am tough physically, mentally, and actually emotionally (which is something I have been working on since meeting Andrew). I was always bigger than the boys growing up and was a bit of a bully sometimes. It got me beaten up a bit as well in return. So inherently I'm not as reserved and compliant as I may seem.

Andrew has shown me that it is okay to be rebellious in some aspects of life. Trust me, the world doesn't always have the right idea and you need to decide if you agree with things or not. Don't just do it because it is the norm or people expect you to. I think Utah did a great job of shutting some of the old me out and it is taking a bit of time to get out of that Utah mindset (if you know what I mean). I have also found a new me in the past couple of years. I thought this cut, usually associated with bad asses and rebels, would be a great reminder to myself that I am in control of my life and I can be bold and fearless.

This reminder has already helped me take charge with Colin's sleeping and force him to sleep in his crib all night. Usually he will wake up after 6 hours and I would be too tired to make him go back to sleep in the crib (pretty time consuming stuff) so I would bring him in bed with me. I sleep horribly with him in bed because if I move, it wakes him up and he would wake up a lot. I am getting much better sleep after taking charge and asserting myself and needs. That is just one example of how I can apply it in my life.

Recently I have made a resolve to not be fake with my interactions with people. If I don't enjoy talking to someone or agree with what they are saying. I don't have to nicely sit and listen and smile and laugh when I don't feel that way inside. It is okay to disagree with someone and it is okay to have negative feelings. I have felt that the LDS church culture, not to be confused with the teachings of the church, makes it seem like having a feeling that isn't happy and hopeful should be buried and not shared. Christ became angry with the money changers at the temple so it is okay to get angry and fed up or disapprove people. I have buried those feelings a lot in my life. I have still had them but I felt that I wasn't allowed to share them or show it in my face or comportment. Since it is new, I have a hard time not wanting to go to the extreme and handling the situation in a super mean way, but I am learning balance. I want people to really know how I feel about something and I don't want to feel a social pressure to be courteous about everything. I don't want to waste any more time doing something I don't want to do since I need to be busy living my life the way that I want to and time is precious. No more people pleasing.

These are some of the ways that I can take control of my life, be bold,  and act and not be acted upon. So don't look at this haircut as a sign that I am going to do drugs or stop believing in God, but rather a look for an empowered woman who can do hard things and be courageous and shave her head.

Without further ado, my sidecut. Not everyone will think it looks good on me, or any woman for that matter, and you are definitely entitled to your opinion. I love it and let's just say Andrew loving it is an understatement. Doing things that make him happy is one of my priorities.

This filter makes me look hispanic. Sweet! I'll take it.