We are Expats

Here on my blog I like to speak "franchement", as the French say. In fact, studying French has been what has opened my eyes to studying how other cultures live. Over the past few years I have tried to imagine my life the way I grew up learning it would be in America. We would probably be scrambling everyday to keep up with the Jones' so that we can own a big house with a mortgage, cars, over-worked husband, busy children, and owning tons of things and luxuries, just to name a couple of things about the "American Dream". I have realized that I don't want that life and I actually don't have to have that life. I don't have to have nightmares about trying to make all this money so that we can be American adults. I needed an environment that supports the way I want to live my life and how we want to earn and spend our money. Did you know that the cost of living in many countries in the world is MUCH less than in America and western Europe? 

So all of these thoughts lead to the opportunity to leave the U.S. We took it as a way to start a journey of exploring where we really want to live and learn other ways to lead our lives.

The term "expatriate" is a pretty harsh word used for someone who leaves their home country. We aren't burning American flags all day but there seems to be some negative connotations with the word. In so many words, an expatriate does not want to live in their country of origin so there is a clear understanding that their country doesn't agree with them in at least one way.

We are expats. It is an identity I have embraced over the past 6 months. I am going to admit this right now. Some people are expats because they temporarily leave the U.S. for a job and long to eventually move back. Those are temporary expats and that isn't us. I like America and I have wonderful memories of growing up there and school but what I value in life really clashes with some of the major values of that culture. You know you are an expat when you tell someone you are American but feel the need to tell them that you aren't like all the stereotypes and feel kind of ashamed to say you are American. Here in Europe, I feel the need to tell people that I actually think more like them. I know this post is going to sound uppity, but whatever. This is how I feel. If this post describes how you feel then you should consider doing something about it as well.

We will return sometimes but only to see family. We have no desire to return on our own accord for now. Who knows? Maybe we will return someday. We may get tired of living in foreign countries. For now, me and the U.S. are on a break from our relationship and we need some time apart to think things over. If we do return, then we will have to be active about not letting certain mentalities affect our children.  Not that it isn't possible to raise my child differently than others but it is much easier to raise a child in a culture that shares a similar perspective on things. We will probably need to situate ourselves in places like Portland to more easily find people that click with us and support us. 

America is not the country it used to be and is deteriorating economically, politically, culturally and above all else, morally. Too many decisions in all spheres of life are being made for personal gain and not for the good of man. I can't trust my taxes and my way of life to a nation that doesn't hold my same ideals.

I can't trust the U.S. news, politicians, the FDA, and the list goes on. It is so hard to get the real facts. There is too much corruption and the corrupt pray on those who are still naively believing that their country will always look out for them. It is really wrong. When I look at all the politics and decisions being made and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's time to get outta there. I was losing my faith in the goodness of humanity before moving here and then finding that the world really can be safe and people can be trustworthy and think about other people besides themselves. There is so much to still learn from other parts of the world and Holland is a wonderful first stop.

I thought this clip from the t.v. series The Newsroom describes why America isn't the greatest country anymore but hopefully can be again. Heads up, there is some strong language in it.

After living in Europe, I have really tried to put into practice certain ideals learned along the way. I'm not saying that there even is a perfect country and that Holland is it, but I do know that the people here are some of the happiest in the world. Happiness is extremely important to me. I don't do something if it doesn't make me happy and I can actually say that was sometimes not the case in the past. Holland was ranked 4th happiest country in the world last year. Why? Well it is said that the "Dutch people enjoy a robust combination of higher life expectancy, gross domestic product per capita, social support, generosity, freedom to make life choices and lower perceptions of corruption". Mental health is a big key to happiness and that is truly lacking in America.  People are more balanced here. Yeah they take care of people a bit too much but I think it has much more positive effects than what I have seen from our American system.

One thing I love about Holland is their open-mindedness and tolerance. Previously, I was sucked into the American mommy war stuff through social media and decidedly stopped involving myself with it. I need to just live my life the way that makes me happy and let people ask my opinion if they want it.  I don't need to justify my choices and I certainly have no right to judge someone else's. My decision to not vaccinate my child and all other alternative parenting techniques I may follow, has been met with supportive and understanding, listening ears here in Holland. In America, there is so much hate towards non-vaccinating parents and it is really disgraceful.

My biggest beef with America is that I don't like the excessive spending and wasteful consumerism of America. Advertising has gone too far and is so annoying. On our road trip to France, at some point I noticed how there were no advertising billboards on the freeways and I realized why I had more time to look at the beautiful surroundings and not worry about distractions while driving in a foreign country.

If you got rid of the need to buy, do you know how much money you could save and put toward traveling? I have recently made that realization (don't know why it has taken this long) and have therefore taken charge to make the way I spend my money coincide with how I choose to live my life and my priorities. It's eye opening! We have cut out all the excessive spending and with a goal to travel we (well I do, Andrew is still coming to terms with this) now have the ability to say "Would I rather buy this blouse and look cool or buy a Ryanair flight from London, England to Frankfurt, Germany and have incredible experiences because of it?" You don't have to be rich to travel the world but you do need to be mindful with how you spend your money.

In the past couple of years we have really started to shift our ideals and it is still a work in progress but I feel like we are at a really great place even now. It takes time to slough off years of thinking a certain way. So these are the guidelines we live our life by which are not cultivated very well in the U.S.

• I have been forced to give up many possessions and be content with a small amount of possessions that meets our needs. By forcing myself to let go, I have found that I like being free of possessions, especially the stuff that has no purpose but you tell yourself "what if I need that?". 
• My son will not have an over-abundance of toys and clothes but will learn to rely more on engaging with the world and nature and focus on building relationships. 
• I don't want our family to be obsessed with money or feel like money decides what we do with our lives. 
• We will never own cable because it is a black hole of a wasted life. 
• Meals are very important and we strive to only consume REAL, unprocessed food. 
• Food proportions can be small. I don't need a huge plate of pasta.
• I will make time for leisure and relaxation as well as take things slower, smell the roses, and take time to listen to others. 
• I want our family to be confident and comfortable with who they are. I want them to be expressive and dance and sing because they want to and wear their hearts on their sleeves like the Italians.
•  I want to be straight forward and more blunt with people.
•  I don't want to buy a car but rather live in a country designed for humans, not cars. 
• I want learning languages to be expected and normal.

So can you can probably understand why people who want to live like we do wouldn't want to immerse themselves in an atmosphere that is constantly trying to tear down their ideals. I do not want to be constantly fighting for my beliefs. I am not saying being American is stupid because there are plenty of things I like about where I came from and I will take that with me throughout my life. I just think that there are too many toxic parts of American society and it would really upset me to have to raise my children in it.

Ultimately, the biggest appeal to me about moving out of the U.S. is that we get a change of scenery. I get bored with the thought of settling down somewhere and seeing and experiencing the same things over and over. I like the challenges and excitement that a new place brings. This is something I really look forward to when we do more traveling in the future. We are really drawn to the idea of Andrew freelancing while we slowly travel the world. Our plan is to do that after we are done here in Holland.

This is how we choose to live and it may not be your cup of tea. I want you to ask yourself how you want to live and then make sure you are cultivating that way of life. Please! Live your life the way you want to and in a place that builds you up. We choose to be expats and maybe that offends you but I am actually proud of that decision.