France with Mémé Honeybee

Debbie came to visit from Birmingham, UK while living there for her annual 6 months. She came bearing lots of gifts!

Here's a blurry picture of Méme Honeybee and Colin hanging out.

Thursday, we took a bike ride around our town and played at the park. She loved the zip lines there.

We decided on Friday to go to France and within 24 hours we had a car rented, a motel, an itinerary with maps, snacks, packed bags, and a taste for exploring!

On Saturday we headed to Schiphol airport to pick up our Fiat car rental. We drove 2 1/2 hours to Gent, Belgium and wandered around the middle of town. We heard a live jazz band in the busy square next to a free market where people give their stuff away. Debbie of course couldn't resist spending some time there. We ate sandwiches in front of the famous St. Baafs cathedral while Colin charmed a bachelorette party crew on the grass. 

We went into St. Baafs which is where the famous Van Eyck altarpiece is housed (oh man, did I study that thing with my French professors). There was a cool crypt where we saw old papal crowns, robes, septers,  chalices, etc. 

I loved Gent even more than Brugge. I would have loved to have stayed for more than a couple of hours. Alas.

In heading to France, Debbie didn't want the Paris experience but rather the countryside/village experience. I hadn't done much of that myself so I was totally game. We chose the region of The North because it is closest to us. The Ch'tis people of the north are stereotyped as rednecks who drink and speak an incomprehensible dialect and live in the sticks. I was excited to check them out. Watch "Bienvenue Chez Les Ch'tis" if you want an up close, cinema look. I found everyone to be extremely helpful and hospitable. People stopped and asked if we needed them to take pictures and since Debbie wanted to know everything, she often had me ask people for restaurant recommendations, directions, and site info. We struck up conversations with a lady named Madame Hau and took a picture of her cute dog Vicky just to name one person we met. I really loved it there.

So we continued an 1 1/2 hours on to Dunkirk, a habor city that was invaded in World War 2. I finally felt more comfortable with language, being in France. Andrew felt more comfortable too because even though his French is pretty basic, he was able to help my mom when I wasnt around and he used his French as much as possible. He could finally understand what was going on around him. I was proud of him. When we went to Paris, they just switched to English with him but here, they really didn't speak English so he got a lot more opportunities to try to communicate. He loved hearing the little old ladies say "Coo, coo" to Colin just like I do with him at home. We asked the locals for directions everywhere and wandered some more. This being Europe, you are asking for the toilet a lot. I ended up peeing outside a couple of times, but no biggy. We finally reached our cheap motel and had just missed the circus right in front of it that afternoon. 

We ate pizza and watched a world cup game, in French this time instead of the regular Dutch we hear. I put Colin to sleep while Andrew and Debbie wandered and picked Lavender.

Sunday we hit the beach for a bit before trying to get to church. We really felt like we were in France now. Malo Les Bains was a beautiful beach with a lighthouse at the end and adorable changing cabins right out of the movies! The homes near the beach were just perfect.

Enjoy these photos of the beach and surrounding streets!

Debbie ran into this man sucking up worms in the sand for fishing bait.

We attempted to get to church but had strayed too many times from my pre-prepared maps and ended up getting extremely frustrated so emotions were high! We learned from this trip that a GPS is crucial to traveling in a car. I thought I could figure things out with a map but being the driver and not having good map readers to help navigate was an overlooked, crucial step. We never found church and decided to venture toward the countryside to St. Omer. 

I watch Petit Ours Brun (a French children's show) and I have this dream of living in their exact home. A quaint home in the countryside that is just a short bike ride from a village. The countryside looked exactly like this picture below and I got extremely giddy when I saw it. I have dreamed of driving through these exact places. Tensions were still high on our drive through here so I stopped a couple of times to get out and get some fresh air. It was one of those moments where you have this huge juxtaposition in your life. I had these negative emotions at a time when I was about to journey through something I had been waiting a long time to see. Once I did get into the countryside, I was rejuvenated and able to be calmer and carry forth. Bad timing indeed though. 

Isn't it gorgeous?!

We got to another lovely town called St. Omer and wandered some more before eating a wonderful lunch of crepes, seafood pasta, and belgian waffles.

We have given Colin ice cream a couple of times and every time he cringes and doesn't like the cold. He has refused to eat it off of a cone.

 Colin was a doll the whole trip. He had the power to make the stressful navigating part even more like hell and he didn't. I prayed so many times in gratitude.

This is the Abbey of St. Bertin which was erected in the 7th century and slowly demolished until bombardments in World War 2.

Enjoy some of our photos from St. Omer

Andrew made some street art with the dirt on the doors.

This Boucherie sign was authentic! It was not made as a set for a movie or play! Is this real life?

It was a memorable 2 days and we saw a lot amidst many rough patches ( some of which could have been avoided with a GPS). I wouldn't recommend a two day trip from Amsterdam to France but we made it work and I'm glad we went even though I prefer traveling slower. Debbie has been wanting to go to France with me as a guide ever since we met. If we were ever going to do this trip, it was now. You cannot comprehend how complete I feel when I visit France. It makes my heart happy!

We are Expats

Here on my blog I like to speak "franchement", as the French say. In fact, studying French has been what has opened my eyes to studying how other cultures live. Over the past few years I have tried to imagine my life the way I grew up learning it would be in America. We would probably be scrambling everyday to keep up with the Jones' so that we can own a big house with a mortgage, cars, over-worked husband, busy children, and owning tons of things and luxuries, just to name a couple of things about the "American Dream". I have realized that I don't want that life and I actually don't have to have that life. I don't have to have nightmares about trying to make all this money so that we can be American adults. I needed an environment that supports the way I want to live my life and how we want to earn and spend our money. Did you know that the cost of living in many countries in the world is MUCH less than in America and western Europe? 

So all of these thoughts lead to the opportunity to leave the U.S. We took it as a way to start a journey of exploring where we really want to live and learn other ways to lead our lives.

The term "expatriate" is a pretty harsh word used for someone who leaves their home country. We aren't burning American flags all day but there seems to be some negative connotations with the word. In so many words, an expatriate does not want to live in their country of origin so there is a clear understanding that their country doesn't agree with them in at least one way.

We are expats. It is an identity I have embraced over the past 6 months. I am going to admit this right now. Some people are expats because they temporarily leave the U.S. for a job and long to eventually move back. Those are temporary expats and that isn't us. I like America and I have wonderful memories of growing up there and school but what I value in life really clashes with some of the major values of that culture. You know you are an expat when you tell someone you are American but feel the need to tell them that you aren't like all the stereotypes and feel kind of ashamed to say you are American. Here in Europe, I feel the need to tell people that I actually think more like them. I know this post is going to sound uppity, but whatever. This is how I feel. If this post describes how you feel then you should consider doing something about it as well.

We will return sometimes but only to see family. We have no desire to return on our own accord for now. Who knows? Maybe we will return someday. We may get tired of living in foreign countries. For now, me and the U.S. are on a break from our relationship and we need some time apart to think things over. If we do return, then we will have to be active about not letting certain mentalities affect our children.  Not that it isn't possible to raise my child differently than others but it is much easier to raise a child in a culture that shares a similar perspective on things. We will probably need to situate ourselves in places like Portland to more easily find people that click with us and support us. 

America is not the country it used to be and is deteriorating economically, politically, culturally and above all else, morally. Too many decisions in all spheres of life are being made for personal gain and not for the good of man. I can't trust my taxes and my way of life to a nation that doesn't hold my same ideals.

I can't trust the U.S. news, politicians, the FDA, and the list goes on. It is so hard to get the real facts. There is too much corruption and the corrupt pray on those who are still naively believing that their country will always look out for them. It is really wrong. When I look at all the politics and decisions being made and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's time to get outta there. I was losing my faith in the goodness of humanity before moving here and then finding that the world really can be safe and people can be trustworthy and think about other people besides themselves. There is so much to still learn from other parts of the world and Holland is a wonderful first stop.

I thought this clip from the t.v. series The Newsroom describes why America isn't the greatest country anymore but hopefully can be again. Heads up, there is some strong language in it.

After living in Europe, I have really tried to put into practice certain ideals learned along the way. I'm not saying that there even is a perfect country and that Holland is it, but I do know that the people here are some of the happiest in the world. Happiness is extremely important to me. I don't do something if it doesn't make me happy and I can actually say that was sometimes not the case in the past. Holland was ranked 4th happiest country in the world last year. Why? Well it is said that the "Dutch people enjoy a robust combination of higher life expectancy, gross domestic product per capita, social support, generosity, freedom to make life choices and lower perceptions of corruption". Mental health is a big key to happiness and that is truly lacking in America.  People are more balanced here. Yeah they take care of people a bit too much but I think it has much more positive effects than what I have seen from our American system.

One thing I love about Holland is their open-mindedness and tolerance. Previously, I was sucked into the American mommy war stuff through social media and decidedly stopped involving myself with it. I need to just live my life the way that makes me happy and let people ask my opinion if they want it.  I don't need to justify my choices and I certainly have no right to judge someone else's. My decision to not vaccinate my child and all other alternative parenting techniques I may follow, has been met with supportive and understanding, listening ears here in Holland. In America, there is so much hate towards non-vaccinating parents and it is really disgraceful.

My biggest beef with America is that I don't like the excessive spending and wasteful consumerism of America. Advertising has gone too far and is so annoying. On our road trip to France, at some point I noticed how there were no advertising billboards on the freeways and I realized why I had more time to look at the beautiful surroundings and not worry about distractions while driving in a foreign country.

If you got rid of the need to buy, do you know how much money you could save and put toward traveling? I have recently made that realization (don't know why it has taken this long) and have therefore taken charge to make the way I spend my money coincide with how I choose to live my life and my priorities. It's eye opening! We have cut out all the excessive spending and with a goal to travel we (well I do, Andrew is still coming to terms with this) now have the ability to say "Would I rather buy this blouse and look cool or buy a Ryanair flight from London, England to Frankfurt, Germany and have incredible experiences because of it?" You don't have to be rich to travel the world but you do need to be mindful with how you spend your money.

In the past couple of years we have really started to shift our ideals and it is still a work in progress but I feel like we are at a really great place even now. It takes time to slough off years of thinking a certain way. So these are the guidelines we live our life by which are not cultivated very well in the U.S.

• I have been forced to give up many possessions and be content with a small amount of possessions that meets our needs. By forcing myself to let go, I have found that I like being free of possessions, especially the stuff that has no purpose but you tell yourself "what if I need that?". 
• My son will not have an over-abundance of toys and clothes but will learn to rely more on engaging with the world and nature and focus on building relationships. 
• I don't want our family to be obsessed with money or feel like money decides what we do with our lives. 
• We will never own cable because it is a black hole of a wasted life. 
• Meals are very important and we strive to only consume REAL, unprocessed food. 
• Food proportions can be small. I don't need a huge plate of pasta.
• I will make time for leisure and relaxation as well as take things slower, smell the roses, and take time to listen to others. 
• I want our family to be confident and comfortable with who they are. I want them to be expressive and dance and sing because they want to and wear their hearts on their sleeves like the Italians.
•  I want to be straight forward and more blunt with people.
•  I don't want to buy a car but rather live in a country designed for humans, not cars. 
• I want learning languages to be expected and normal.

So can you can probably understand why people who want to live like we do wouldn't want to immerse themselves in an atmosphere that is constantly trying to tear down their ideals. I do not want to be constantly fighting for my beliefs. I am not saying being American is stupid because there are plenty of things I like about where I came from and I will take that with me throughout my life. I just think that there are too many toxic parts of American society and it would really upset me to have to raise my children in it.

Ultimately, the biggest appeal to me about moving out of the U.S. is that we get a change of scenery. I get bored with the thought of settling down somewhere and seeing and experiencing the same things over and over. I like the challenges and excitement that a new place brings. This is something I really look forward to when we do more traveling in the future. We are really drawn to the idea of Andrew freelancing while we slowly travel the world. Our plan is to do that after we are done here in Holland.

This is how we choose to live and it may not be your cup of tea. I want you to ask yourself how you want to live and then make sure you are cultivating that way of life. Please! Live your life the way you want to and in a place that builds you up. We choose to be expats and maybe that offends you but I am actually proud of that decision.

What Are My Passions And What Is My Role As A Mother?

This post is about language acquisition, my passion for teaching languages, teaching culture, my goal of learning new languages, the American Education System vs. Homeschooling, and my role as an educator to my children. A lot, I know but I feel it is all connected. First, I wanted to share a bit about my journey toward learning French because I don't think I have ever written a whole post about a passion that has led to my chosen career path as a French Teacher.

Why Did I Choose French?

We start with 9 year old Ashley sitting in her 4th grade class and longingly looking at the two French boys in her class, Francois and Christian. She finds out they take French lessons from a lady in her neighborhood so Ashley wants to take them tooso she can spend more time with them. Those were some fun times! I gained this huge desire to see and experience France someday. 

As a middle schooler, my favorite class ever was 7th grade Geography. I couldn't get enough of the assignments. I loved memorizing the locations of all the African countries and learning random facts like how San Marino is its own country (actually a micro state) in the middle of Italy. I guess learning the song that helps you memorize the U.S. states was the first time that I got a taste of geography. I still LOVE the challenge of memorizing things (like the periodic table in 5th grade or all the U.S. presidents for my U.S. History class). On road trips I would practice capitals and state nicknames with my Dad (I was a dream child). My favorite game was trivial pursuit (trivia is my FAVORITE!!!!) and I kicked everyones butt when it came to geography. I still do.

My mind loves this stuff and I have always done well in subjects that require memorization of facts. This skill has helped me a lot in learning a language. I see a word and can rewrite it perfectly, no spelling flaws. I have found myself doing it with Dutch and let me tell you, those words are not short!  I do great with auditory sounds thanks to my musical talents. This makes me good at learning languages.3

Once I got into French class in High School, things were a breeze and I wanted to learn faster and have more homework and assignments. Test days were my favorite because I wanted to challenge myself and see how well I could do. My teacher was an inc1Sredible Swiss woman and played a huge part in my choice to become a high school French teacher. Her name was ironically Madame Lopez.

I wanted to become fluent in French so I continued to take courses in college but never thought of making a career out of this knowledge. After jumping around a bit with majors, I tutored Andrew for his French class and he helped me see that I explain language very well. I was scared about taking on the thankless job of teaching, bad pay, and the daunting task of feeling fluent, but I went for it and I am so glad I kept learning. After a study abroad in Paris, living in a French immersion apartment for a year, and continued efforts to talk and teach whether it was helping at the MTC, reading out loud to myself, or watching and listening to French multimedia, I have done a great job of keeping up my French. Learning is a lifetime pursuit. You don't need to be in school to learn.

Language Acquisition and Language Teaching

I have found that teaching my child my second language has really opened my eyes to language acquisition in general. I get to see first-hand the whole process from birth. I have said the word "manger" probably 10 times a day since his birth, yet he has never said it and has rather picked up on simpler words like "hi" or "yay" or "ja" as they say in Dutch. The phonemes come first and then eventually he will put them together.  I am so used to teaching in secondary school and expect that repetition of the nature he receives would do the trick and "manger " would be his first word. Not so but of course I kinda already knew that. I am so excited to analyze this process more and can't even wait to see what cute "franglais" words he comes up with. He is my own little experiment.

I found that a native English speaker usually isn't a good teacher of English because they usually haven't studied the language rules or learned it as a second language like the pupil is. They naturally acquired it through hearing it and most people have to be taught explicit rules after a certain age. That is why, usually, I teach French better than a native would because I know the exact process that my pupil is going through. I can anticipate his thought process and I have amazing learning tools to share to make the process easier because I learned it the same way they are. I love giving someone the ability to communicate and express himself and I still find joy in learning to do that myself. I feel really proud of myself when I tell a Mormon that I didn't learn French by serving a mission and rather learned it through years and years of schooling. A lot of times they are surprised and ask why I know French, like it is weird to just learn a language in the U.S. because you want to.

Side Note
The number one thing that you NEVER say to a language teacher is "Oh yeah, I took _________ (insert language ) in High School, but I forgot everything". You just pretty much told me that my job serves no purpose. Thanks! A lot of times when I get that response, I lecture them about why that happened to them and how they missed a great opportunity but can still learn a language now. Do you know how easy it is to practice a language with natives now that technology is so cool? I'm SICK of that reaction to my profession.

Culture

Culture is the ideas, customs, and social behavior of a particular people or society. It is reflected in their history, art, education and everyday life.

The cultural differences sometimes hinder our relationships with people here in Holland. Pretty impressive that we can still feel so out of place in Europe, a continent removed enough from America but not radically culture shocking like remote African villages. I could learn Dutch really well but I still won't be able to relate about tv shows I watched as a kid. There is a different upbringing between us. We have found senses of humor to be very different because allusions to things in our culture goes right over their heads. Andrew is hilarious but not as hilarious to his coworkers as he is to me.

I am enthralled by the idea that language is directly related to a culture. Americans have the word "channel surfing" because we are bored and need to flip through channels to do something and look for entertainment. You won't find the word "channel surfing" in the Tupi languages of the Amazon. Your language reflects the way you live and what you value, including how much you value it. I shared in an earlier post about the word "gezellig" in Dutch, which is used very frequently. Simply put, it means "a cozy feeling". The Dutch use it to describe an experience with friends. I have found that by understanding that word, I then understand the value of frequent cozy gatherings with friends here.

In my education as a teacher I learned fascinating things about how to teach culture. It is so fun to help my students have a personal encounter with another way of life. Have you ever seen the documentary "Baraka"? It is a beautiful film with no words but rather teaching you through observations. It invites you to analyze why people live differently. I love that film! It is one of the things that adds to my constantly expanding desire to see the world. 

Our family wants to travel because of our love for learning about different cultures and perspectives on living. In a classroom you can get a sense of the humanity of other people but if you travel to those places, it brings them to life once you have an experience with the culture first hand. 

You may travel and see something exotic and foreign but you have to be the kind of person who doesn't decide that it is weird just because you don't do that in your country. If you see a Sufist Whirling Dervish spinning endlessly in circles, you might think they are crazy because that is what crazy people may do in your country. As a teacher I guide a student to look at the products (e.g. tools, food, clothes), practices (e.g. verbal and non-verbal language, actions and interactions, taboos), and then lastly ask you to analyze the perspectives (values, beliefs) of the culture that can be gained from learning about the products and practices. There is so much meaning behind this ritual of the Whirling Dervishes and there is so much to discuss just about this one action that you see. You are then prompted to learn why and then eventually come to an understanding of those people. 

That is what I love about teaching culture to adolescents. You help selfish teenagers to stop focusing all on themselves and their lives and help them understand someone else. I get to invite them to learn a practice or product and then I always ask them if they would like to incorporate it into their life now. They do not have to live in a Native American village to share a similar perspective about the sacredness of nature. Your eyes are opened to a new way of living and you are asked if you agree or not, and then you can change. I am constantly learning because of this and I want my children to learn about how they want to lead their lives by exploring the world and its cultures.

You Can Still Learn New Languages

Since I was young, I have always had this desire to travel but now I have made it a goal and guiding principle in my life. If I am enthralled by this language learning process and have a pretty good ear for languages, and then plan on traveling a lot in my life, learning new languages is obviously the best way of using my spare time while Colin naps and after he goes to bed (while Andrew is freelancing). 

I was so afraid of really starting the language learning process over again and told myself I should just focus on French. I also thought it would be too hard to find resources and teach myself. These have been convenient excuses for too long.

I watched this video and it struck a deep cord with me. So deep, in fact, that I started crying a bit. I knew right then that this is what I needed to do with my time. 



So what languages to begin with? I already know some Spanish and feel that will be so useful for me so I will continue with that. I also think it would be good to branch out to different language families and work on German and Arabic to begin with. So wish me luck! This is going to be fun. I hear that once you have learned a 2nd language, they get easier as you go on. I will probably speak everything with a French accent. I actually found myself speaking Dutch with a French accent and then once I realized you roll the "r" I corrected it so it is doable to shake my accent. 

The American Education System VS. Homeschooling

Culture is something that cannot fully be taught in a school. There are so many principles that shape a persons character that cannot be taught in school. In fact, a lot of character is squashed in the American educational system. I had a ton of issues with the system in just my short 3 years of teaching. 

We are reading this book which has helped us decide that I will be homeschooling our children. That will be a different post someday but the book is called "The Underground History of American Education" by John Taylor Gatto. He is an ex-teacher who got sick of the school system and tears it apart. I always love a good book written by a rebel. It has gotten me thinking that we really need to redefine what schooling can do for a child and that it isn't just all about putting our kids on a factory conveyer belt and popping out workers tailored for certain professions. You are creating a citizen of the world so don't make your child feel like a failure because he didn't memorize an equation or get that multiple choice question which was actually designed to trick you. There are so many things wrong with conventional schooling and if the U.S. isn' going to change it then I have to create my own curriculum.

Now don't go jumping to conclusions about our decision to homeschool right away until you have fully learned the pros and cons of both sides. It can be done really well and I have seen very impressive results from homeschooling. It can also be done really badly and I'm obviously not advocating for those people. 

I see so much potential for the educating of our children that I cannot waste a minute of my children's time in the institution of a public school (at least in America). Good thing that homeschooling works really well with a traveling family. I am also really grateful that Andrew has a talent that can make him money while being mobile and that is a globally sought after trade. 

My Role As An Educator In My Home

When I got to Holland, I was often bombarded with the question "and what do you do?" or "are you going to work here?" from people that knew I was a mom. In the U.S. being a mom is usually associated with staying at home so I was taken aback that they needed to ask me that. I love that they treat me like a person who has interests beyond being a mom but I was used to the American approach. I have even paid attention to my cordial conversations with Americans here and I don't ever get asked off the bat what my profession is or even my interests. People here expect that you will go straight back to work after your maternity leave. The Dutch feel it is important to have a balanced life and staying at home is not balanced. The French feel it is a top priority for a woman to show her child that her world doesn't revolve around the child and that she has time to herself and her hobbies. They also feel you need a skill to contribute to society after your child grows up. 

At first, the questions about going to work bothered me because they didn't understand why I would stay at home. One time a woman who had no children asked me what I do all day? Oh, là, là! She will never understand my life. I got really angry about that because she said it like I probably sit on the couch all day and eat ice cream in my pajamas. I started pitying myself because every time this conversation came up, I got this feeling from the person that I was making a destructive decision to stay at home.  

During the past 6 months, I have really tried to ask myself if not going to work is really what I want because I totally understand these perspectives and I actually envy working moms at times for not having all of the home responsibilities and getting a break from their child. I have contemplated getting a job up until a month ago. I had a bit of a "what am I doing with my life?" crisis where I felt like I had to keep up my resume with paid jobs and loved the idea of sharing my child and house responsibilities with Andrew. Tutoring is the closest viable option while living abroad since my job is a bit harder to come by around here.

So after months of contemplating my role in life (next to cultivating a strong relationship with my husband), I am at total peace with my huge role as an educator in my home. Colin needs all the love and attention he can get from me, his mother, not other people for 8 hours of the day while I get 4 hours with him. I am teaching him French so why would I put him in a daycare where they speak Dutch. I am also still breastfeeding and wouldn't want to give that up. We aren't going to be staying in Holland long enough where finding a job would be worth it. I love the idea of putting him in a "creche" for the purposes of socializing because I still need to make up for that somehow right now, but not enough of a reason to discount everything else.

It is hard to not get caught up in the way the world views motherhood. I started to feel this empowerment that I could work and be an awesome Mom, and wife, and keep up a home and somehow make everything balanced. There are women that do this and it works for them. I couldn't see what amazing benefits this would give me besides more money and a break from Colin that would be WAY too long. The job description would be way less cool and rewarding. So....

My main role will be in educating my children about everything I have written about in this post, plus so much more, obviously. I LOVE teaching and helping children explore ideas so homeschooling is perfect for me.  I am my child's guide through life and I want to be able to give him my complete attention. Anyway, I would hate returning to a classroom of kids who probably don't want to be there when I could be putting my efforts toward raising an incredibly powerful citizen of the world. 

Can you see now why I am doing exactly what I love? I do and I am so glad that I have realized that.

A New Resolve and a New Look: Sidecut

Recently Andrew and I have been making some important decisions about our future and we have been infused with this strong desire to reach for our dreams and our destiny. We even stumbled upon reading "The Alchemist" at this time and didn't even know that it would be exactly what we needed to hear. If you haven't read it, stop reading this and go get a copy. It is my favorite book of all time.

Anyway, I will blog about our decisions when we have some concrete plans. It is a great feeling to be excited about whatever happens in the future because you are in control and fear isn't holding you back. I am loving our lives right now and am also enjoying living in the moment. Everyday I get to do exactly what I have always dreamed about, as tough as being a mom is. I love teaching French and now I have the best pupil. Things are only going to get more fun from here on out because Colin is getting so much cooler.

Sometimes you feel acted upon in life but I am making a new resolution to act and take charge of my situations. Assert myself and be myself. Andrew is amazing and is making things happen for himself as well and I am very proud of him and all of his talents.

I have been thinking about doing a sidecut for a couple of months since I saw it on an American girl in our ward and really liked it. I saw that it is easy to cover the shaved part up when you want to look less extreme or when it is time to grow it out. With a way to regrow it out that wasn't ugly and a strong feeling to do it, I went for it!

Maybe you are thinking, "But Ashley is so sweet and gentle. Why would she want this?" Being generous, friendly, and loving are exceptional characteristics to have and are very important. I strive with all my heart to be that way. That doesn't mean that I have to be submissive or let people take advantage of my good nature.

If you really know me, I have always been tough. I have broken my nose playing basketball, tore my ACL playing powderpuff football, and fractured my foot playing soccer. I was a goal keeper in High School. I am tough physically, mentally, and actually emotionally (which is something I have been working on since meeting Andrew). I was always bigger than the boys growing up and was a bit of a bully sometimes. It got me beaten up a bit as well in return. So inherently I'm not as reserved and compliant as I may seem.

Andrew has shown me that it is okay to be rebellious in some aspects of life. Trust me, the world doesn't always have the right idea and you need to decide if you agree with things or not. Don't just do it because it is the norm or people expect you to. I think Utah did a great job of shutting some of the old me out and it is taking a bit of time to get out of that Utah mindset (if you know what I mean). I have also found a new me in the past couple of years. I thought this cut, usually associated with bad asses and rebels, would be a great reminder to myself that I am in control of my life and I can be bold and fearless.

This reminder has already helped me take charge with Colin's sleeping and force him to sleep in his crib all night. Usually he will wake up after 6 hours and I would be too tired to make him go back to sleep in the crib (pretty time consuming stuff) so I would bring him in bed with me. I sleep horribly with him in bed because if I move, it wakes him up and he would wake up a lot. I am getting much better sleep after taking charge and asserting myself and needs. That is just one example of how I can apply it in my life.

Recently I have made a resolve to not be fake with my interactions with people. If I don't enjoy talking to someone or agree with what they are saying. I don't have to nicely sit and listen and smile and laugh when I don't feel that way inside. It is okay to disagree with someone and it is okay to have negative feelings. I have felt that the LDS church culture, not to be confused with the teachings of the church, makes it seem like having a feeling that isn't happy and hopeful should be buried and not shared. Christ became angry with the money changers at the temple so it is okay to get angry and fed up or disapprove people. I have buried those feelings a lot in my life. I have still had them but I felt that I wasn't allowed to share them or show it in my face or comportment. Since it is new, I have a hard time not wanting to go to the extreme and handling the situation in a super mean way, but I am learning balance. I want people to really know how I feel about something and I don't want to feel a social pressure to be courteous about everything. I don't want to waste any more time doing something I don't want to do since I need to be busy living my life the way that I want to and time is precious. No more people pleasing.

These are some of the ways that I can take control of my life, be bold,  and act and not be acted upon. So don't look at this haircut as a sign that I am going to do drugs or stop believing in God, but rather a look for an empowered woman who can do hard things and be courageous and shave her head.

Without further ado, my sidecut. Not everyone will think it looks good on me, or any woman for that matter, and you are definitely entitled to your opinion. I love it and let's just say Andrew loving it is an understatement. Doing things that make him happy is one of my priorities.

This filter makes me look hispanic. Sweet! I'll take it.

Here and There: Little Everyday Finds and Updates

Sometimes I get on my bike and Colin and I wander around the city. On these wanderings, I find cool places like this picturesque country-style home .

I also found a lovely park, which I recently took Andrew to this weekend.

Right next to the children's farm is this little gym area so that the parents can work out while their kids play in the park. Novel idea!

Colin grabbed his diapers and carried them in his mouth and I thought it was too cute! I have a post that I update with little things like this and it's about Cute Things Colin Says Or Does.

When you take a child into a bakery or butchery, they offer a piece of sausage or bread to your child. It is a common practice and I think it is to entice the child to want to come back and then the mother will too. Colin loves sausage.

When you have a newborn you have to either have a car to get around or you take public transportation everywhere. The other option is to put a Maxi-Cosi (what seems like THE only car seat manufactured in Europe ) into a bakfiets (the box bikes that your older kids sit in) but that is not for the everyday Dutch mom. Most women won't touch a bike until their baby can sit up well. I found this lady who installed some kind of device to hold her baby's car seat on the front of the bike. Problem solved.

Our raw kefir bottle has the creepiest picture of these faceless alien forms sucking from the bull's teets. I don't know why and it scares me. Too many questions. Can a bull even have teets? 

We went on a date to a carnival and just kinda walked around. Everything had American celebrities on it and a lot of stuff in weird English. I loved that this was the place to hang out if you were a teenager. I got a picture of these groups of teens and most were smoking.

Colin ends up in our bed in the mornings and this is the only way he can fall asleep, sideways across my body, on his stomach, with his head falling off the side of my body. It cracks me up and I wonder if it has to do with the fact that for the first two months of his life, he slept in my arms and across my body.

Sometimes during the day we send selfies to papa at work.

The grocery store has these mini carts so that your child can be involved in the grocery shopping and feel independent. I LOVE IT! So adorable.

This is Carolina. Her mother and grandmother are in our ward. She is almost 3 months older than Colin and she is gorgeous, caramel skinned, and blue eyes. Her mother is Brazilian and her father is Surinamese. Her grandmother, Anna, is my friend and loves practicing her English with me. She is recovering from breast cancer and I enjoy listening to her and talking about baby stuff and we love comparing our languages. She is so sweet and so is Carolina. Unfortunately Luma, Carolina's mom, is hard to get together with because she works.

Anna has a huge bunny and you can't even see his eyes because he is so fluffy!

Colin gets into everything while I'm not looking and also when I am looking.

Andrew is living the dream and growing his hair out so that he can rock a sexy man bun (mun). It's only been a year since he cut it short (thanks BYU) so we are happy that his hair grows quickly.

Debbie is in Britain again and had a layover in Amsterdam. We met up in the airport where she brought us a carry on full of some of our stuff and presents. We loved seeing family even if it was for a couple of hours.

I thought that putting your child in church nursery was only for when they turn 18 months but apparently that is to keep it from being too big. When your child is 1 of two consistent children under 3 who go to church, they take your child for you. Andrew stole into nursery and took a picture of Colin playing in a toy house.

The church has a flourishing and diverse garden in the back. The Dutch are huge on gardening and so I am excited to learn from them so that I can start my own when I feel the time is right. I want to show Colin where real food comes from.

I enjoy teaching the Old Testament to the English speaking members of the ward. I once told Andrew that this exact calling would be my least favorite and lo and behold I got it. I actually needed to learn the Old Testament better and I surely am not teaching the class too much new stuff or giving amazing insight but rather guiding a discussion.

Everyone at Andrew's work knows that Andrew is Mormon and they are nice about it. I say that because many Dutch people believe that if you believe in God and religion then you are absolutely crazy and that religion was a thing of olden times.

An intern named Ziqi from China, studying in Milan, grew up Christian and has come to church with us and met with the missionaries a couple of times but he must now return to Milan and then Germany. We will be keeping in touch and are excited about his enthusiasm for Mormonism.

As you can see, he is the biggest Chinese person we have ever met. He is much taller than Andrew.

Lastly, I read this book, "Bringing up Bebe" which gives an American perspective on French parenting. There are some great gems in there and I am totally following them. 

It has helped to get some more French child-rearing vocabulary under my belt. As you can see from this picture below, I have a lot of parenting to do and I want to be prepared and have some idea of what I will do before things are happening and I am in the heat of the moment.