New Goals

Saturday March 13- I want so badly to be the wife that Andrew needs. To show my love for him in the exact way he needs it and when he needs it. As we all know, Ashley needs to express her feelings verbally more often and express happiness through her face and actions. I am happy so often but i'm sad to see that Andrew can't understand i'm happy unless I show him and tell him. Why do I keep things to myself even if I really don't want to? Believe me, I have gotten better in the past couple of years but I have to remember that Andrew cannot read my mind and he wants to know everything I think. Recently since marriage, life has had some adjustments and my mind takes responsibility really seriously. It is kind of weighed down with achieving tasks and finishing lists. The thing that I have realized lately is that the lists will never be finished because there are always new things to add. I remember and dwell on things too much and I need to put these things aside and deal with them when they really need to be dealt with. I guess i'm a worrier.

My biggest changes starting now are : 1). find joy and happiness all the time in my life, especially through trials. Enduring to the end also means keeping a positive view. That is part of the test. 2). When I am happy, show it! 3). Remember always the Goddess I will become and the perfection that I will possess. I have been overcome with feelings of failure and I must remember that I am proving myself to my father, so accept that I make mistakes and prove my real self to the Father. Focus on the important things to excel at: my eternal nature, spirit and eternal marriage to my husband. Cherish him, meet his needs, and have fun! 4). I am now promising to read the scriptures everyday and pray (individually and with Andrew). This has been periodic and I know that the lack of doing that deprives me of a spiritual lift everyday. I need the reminder that God is over all and watches over me. Christ has suffered my pain and desires my upmost happiness. It has been easy to forget to do that because of scheduling issues, schoolwork, fatigue and marriage adjustments, but those are no excuses for not doing the most important things of the day. I know there have been times when I have not been able to concentrate on spiritual things because my relationship with Andrew has been off (which is probably because of a lack of gospel intuneness). I have noticed how Satan has created conflict around us many times before we go to church, before the temple, and even about how to pay tithing. He has made my heart troubled by our relationship at times when we really need to be able to focus on spiritual blessings we are trying to obtain.

I am recommitting myself to these 4 goals because I need to change to be more content with how I am living my life. I am in control of my life, my feelings, my actions, and my salvation. I am putting my real priorities first and everything else will fall into place. More trials will always be coming and these aspects of life must always be solid throughout every stage of life. I pray that the Lord will help me be the person I want to be. That woman who's divine self will be a perfect spirit after this life.