January 27th- Our break was super fun. We spent lots of time with Debbie now that she is RETIRED! We got to see Jenny's kids and went sledding with Hannah. My ring got caught in a glove and one of the side diamonds came off. I found it and got it fixed but almost had a heart attack. Our New Years Eve was spent at the Busby's playing cards all night. It was quite enjoyable.
Well my teaching job started and I learned a lot from it. I ended up resigning after a week of transition. I should never have taken on something that made me feel 95% scared and intimidated and only 5% excited and challenged. Yeah... I just should not have ignored the insecurities I felt about the whole thing. All the things that made me feel uncomfortable about signing the contract were the things that made me resign.
What I did not like: I did not enjoy disciplining children all day and teaching math sucks (especially since it is the first time they have learned this stuff). People take courses on how to teach this stuff and I have only taught secondary, plus math sucks. No one warned me about how totally different it is to teach this level (except for the 1 day I came and observed). There are so many undiagnosed ADHD kids and I could not just teach for 5 minutes straight. I hated having to move from classroom to activities to recess and lunch, while walking them to these places and trying to keep them quiet and under control. I had no idea that my personality got fed up with doing this all day. I think it is not too bad when you are a good teacher with experience, but it was made worse by speaking to them only in French. It was too hard to get them to understand or for me to gain control, especially with my lack of experience. I do not understand the grading system or organization of work in elementary school. My co-teacher was a bit too abrasive for me and I had no idea how to use the aide in the classroom (she was wierd too). It was all just sooo exhausting and I was constantly having to discipline which annoys me to death (recess duty is just telling kids not to break rules). Overall, the age and curriculum did not fit me. This is not want I want to do for the rest of my life and I have an opportunity to substitute for Junior High French classes, which makes me super excited! That is what I want to do.
What I did like: Teaching literacy was fun because I was actually teaching them how to read French, granted it was hard because it was coupled with learning how to read letters anyway in English. I loved that they picked up on French through hearing it constantly. Their minds were like sponges. It showed me that I really can teach through speaking French a lot. The kids were adorable when they spoke French to me. I got cute kid art daily. I had this cool piece of technology called a document camera which displays any thing onto a projector (so like marbles on paper that you can move around and interact with so they can see better. I also loved having my own classroom with my name on it.
Every night when I came home, I was so depressed and had multiple breakdowns. I never felt like this when I student taught. I should be excited, a little bit nervous, but confident. I hated going to work (which was an hour drive in winter snow, which I LOVE). When I resigned I told the principal that I needed to do what made me happy. It was super hard to get the guts to admit I had made a mistake in taking the job.
A week after I resigned, I got a letter in the mail saying that I owed the district $1000 for resigning before giving 30 days notice. I was soo mad and soo sad. I hardly earned $1000 working there. My principal never mentioned that option and she assumed it was for ASAP. I figured it was fine since they found a replacement. I had never had a contracte djob like that before so I didn't realize I had to check that stuff. If I don't pay the fine then I cannot be rehired in that district. That happens to be the same district that I plan on long-term substituting. Now I have to find an extra $1000 dollars, no biggy. It's not like we are poor, need to pay off our credit card from the year I haven't been working, or like I don't have a current job. Taking the job actually added to our debt. Great dilemma I got myself into. Welcome to the real world miss college graduate.
So I had a horrible experience with my first real job. I am going to pay the fine and move forward withthe future. Wait, but I don't have a steady job, still can't get affordable health insurance, and have nothing to do until subbing in Provo starts. This was scarring but I needed to learn some things I guess.
I am so scared about making money and working now. I have been reading a lot of spiritually stregthening books and have decided to put faith in God that we will be blessed and things will work out. How are we going to pay $1000 dollars? Well, my parents are going to pay it and we can eventually pay them back. Time is important because I have to be ready to substitute for the pregnant French teacher whenever she has her baby. Being unblacklisted from the district takes some time and the teacher is due in a couple of weeks. I am so grateful to my parents for their willingness to help us. I am trying to make things happen instead of sitting here sulking (which I am pretty excellent at doing). It has been a really good experience for me to plea with my Heavenly Father for comfort and guidance. I feel like I pray to him so much right now. It is true that we tend to go to him more when we are in distress. I will remember him when things are going well too. He is in charge of all and I know he wants me to be happy. He is aware of my circumstances and is watching over me.
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