Disclaimer: I grew up playing soccer and watching football every Saturday during college football season. I enjoy watching sports and even got "Best Female Athlete" award in 8th grade. It is great entertainment.
I expect to get comments that wholly disagree or fully agree with my statement. Go ahead!
Recently Andrew and I had a discussion that really made me look at sports in a different light. Sports for Andrew were very hard. He didn't have a Dad who taught him everything from an early age and they just didn't appeal to him (granted he loves playing soccer). Sadly, for mutual activity every week, instead of a world of various activities, the boys played basketball. He wishes he had been given the opportunity to really learn something those nights, but the leaders were too lazy to make something like a music night (which they thought about doing many times for Andrew's sake) so they played basketball. Just because you are a boy does not mean you want to play sports all the time. It can teach you team work but also alienates those that aren't good and causes aggressiveness and unkind words.
Why are guys so involved with stats and who trades to what team and every win? I understand having a team to root for, but breaking the sabbath day to watch a game or choosing time watching a match over time with your wife is rediculous. Do they understand that their involvement with the team by sitting on the couch and yelling at the player through a t.v. screen does not make the team play better or worse? They do not know you exist.
I feel that addiction to watching sports is honestly for men who do not have real hobbies that involve cultivating a skill. It has become such a huge part of being a man that it is all many men talk about to connect. It has nothing to do with themselves and I guess they love that they do not have to truly connect with another guy. As long as you both love the same team or agree about that bad call, you have a friendship that will last.
You can see why such a deep, passionate, and talented man as my husband has a hard time fitting in with guys when they start talking about sports. He is so witty and can relate to anyone so it isn't hard for him to make guy friends. But when sports come up, to him the intelligence level goes down in the room and real meaning for life has just been pushed aside.
I actually tried to get Andrew into watching the Florida Gator games when they won the national championship in 2009. I taught him all the terminology so he would feel more comfortable around guys (he did not ask me to do this but indulged me anyway). I was way into talking about sports when I came to college. It was the way I connected with guys so it couldn't fail him. After a couple of games I realized that he did not care to learn it and I kindof started to realize that it was a waste of my time. My sports team was my identity and it took letting go of that a bit to help me realize I could explore a real identity. Andrew wants to learn so much in his life so he can be good at things and this was definitely not something he needed to waste his time learning. It profitted him nothing. It reminds me of the time he was a waiter and realized that the point of a job is to get good at it and he really did not have the goal to be a good waiter, so he quit.
What are we as a couple going to do with this information? Well we think sports are inevitable in life and our kids may want to play them. If they have a knack and love it then we will support them. It teaches kids great life lessons and it is entertaining. We just don't want our children to turn into "jocks" as you may say. Many people feel they are better than others because they can play sports better. Our children can be good at them but we do not want sports to define them or turn them into people who feel superior because of their talents. Plus there is so much out there in the world so why would sports be the only thing I expose them to?
This is one huge default in the male characteristics. Men inherently have the need to compete whether it be about jobs, women, grades, money, etc. I feel that sports have capitalized on this inherent trait and have become a horrible addiction for their need to win and be better than others. That is what is so appealing about watching sports (especially if you are too old and fat to play them). When your team wins, you feel that you have won too. Newsflash: you just sat on a couch for the past two hours. Where is your wife?
Anyway, if you can't tell, our family has a problem with wasting your life on watching sports on t.v. We love playing them for exercise or to socialize with friends and that is not what this post is about. This is about when sports/sports teams becomes a huge part of who you think you are. I was once that person and looking back at the times when people associated me with the Florida Gators, I had no real life or hobbies. Loser!
Example: A facebook status is supposed tell the world what you are doing or thinking about lately. I got quite annoyed when I kept reading my friends statuses that almost always related to professional sports. It's actually quite sad. It's like when you watch "Friends" and actually begin to think that they are your friends (that one actually happened to Andrew one summer). Below are his statuses over a weeks time. There was only one status not about sports and it was bragging about going on a date with a girl.
-Game over....Great series Mavs.
-No Foul?
-Free throws....
-HEAT!!!!
-Series not looking so great, Heat
-Not looking that great but some how still in the game
-Flop city
-Game 5 in Dallas....Rockin my new Bron shirt...LET'S GO HEAT!
-I love listening to people at work talk about the finals when they don't know anything about basketball at all....
-Reporters ask LeBron why he isn't playing like a super star at the end of Game 3, he blows it off saying there is more to it than just scoring. Game 4...he scores 8 points...looks like the media is right this time.
-Terrible 4th quarter
-Let's take a 3-1 lead in Game 4 HEAT!!!
And the list goes on...
I am very glad that my husband does not even want to watch sports. He has much better things to do. I feel bad for those girls who have to compromise with their husbands about how much time is spent watching sports. Men, you may have an addiction to sports and hopefully one day you will wake up and say, "Woah, when did watching sweaty guys take precedence over kissing my sexy wife?"
I agree with a lot of things you have to say. I have a brother who- if he isn't watching espn on the tv or his computer he is watching it on his smartphone. Drew likes sports enough but can't relate to him AT ALL because the only thing Bart knows anything about.
ReplyDeleteWith that being said- I think there are things that being on sports teams as a child and even as a teen can teach you that an art class can't. I don't think it is a coincidence that those kids that do theater and science instead of sports are generally (although not always) not as well adjusted and social. At my high school the artistic kids that did socialize well had been involved in sports for a long time as well. Now I am not going to say that high school is everything but I do think those lessons transfer over into real life too. And like I said- there are of course exceptions to all of this. But they are the exception and not the rule.
let's start with this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yQ9a-hJVy0
1-i find this extremely judgmental. how can you make a blanket statement that watching sports on tv is a waste of time? maybe to YOUR FAMILY, but not to everyone. you're right. art talent>sports talents, as well as music and writing and acting. serious? who are you to decide what talents are worth celebrating? blanket statements are always dangerous.
2-not once have i heard the Brethren speak out against sports. heck, i've run into cecil o and l tom perry at byu games. i would bet that they watch sports on tv. GASP. time wasters!
3-i am a lady and i love sports. i follow byu football and basketball because i find it a wholesome recreational activity. cheering for a team in person AND on tv unites us. i have zero problem finding my husband on espn.com or watching sportscenter. he is kind enough to pay attention to me or change the channel when i need him to.
4-to be 100% perfectly honest, i would not have been interested in my husband if he disliked sports. i don't find that masculine, plus he wouldn't have anything to talk with my brothers about. i am into a good amount of traditional gender roles, and if my husband didn't know what a quarterback was? no thanks. sometimes you have to suck it up and learn the language so you can live in the world.
5. olympics?
6. do you have any idea how hard a high school athlete works?? my sister was pulled up to varsity basketball at a sophomore and she worked her butt off. it taught her teamwork, dedication, and responsibility. she pulled two a days and became incredibly fit.
overall, this is just judgmental and maybe you're trying to make yourself feel better about your husband's lack of traditional masculinity by putting down other men who really don't have a problem.
To Anonymous:
ReplyDelete1 & 2.My blanket statement is about how being addicted to sports and letting the team you root for define you, is unhealthy. I love watching sports once in a while as much as the next person. I never said other talents were better than sports talents. I said people need to be exposed to other things than just sports.
3. I'm glad to hear that your husband pays attention to you when you ask him to. That means he is not addicted.
4. I understand gender stereotypes and my point is that men should want to connect on a deeper level than sports (something they could just learn the language of and act interested in). If you knew my husband, you would understand the philosophy that people should be and act however they want, staying true to who they are. Why be fake and act like you care? Honestly, my brother is exactly the type of person I have described in this post and my husband does not discuss sports with him. They love each other still but they relate through other stuff. I choose to spend my time living in a world where the people I associate with share insight into life. You choose who you befriend and you try to relate the best you can to family members that have very little opinions besides sports.
5. The olympics are awesome and totally irrelevant to my point.
6. Why yes I do. I dedicated 11 years to playing soccer. I played on a travel team on the off seasons, trained during the summers, and played on my competitive Varsity team as a Freshman and Sophomore. I understand what dedicating everyday of your life to getting better feels like. It was very character building for me and it is very impressive. It also tore me down when my coach felt that I needed to eat, breath, and live soccer. If I made a mistake he yelled at me. I had other coaches tell me I was wasting my time and I was useless after making one tiny mistake. Soccer defined me and I dropped it because I was not happy and I was not having fun anymore.
I still love playing sports for fun but only when it is encouraging and uniting in healthy teamwork.
I kinda feel like you missed the point of my post and I don't think that because your husband likes sports he has a problem, as long as he has other awesome qualities to offer as well.
You used a country song to back up your point and I find that genre of country to be repulsive so I didn't listen to the song. Sorry. I'm all ears if you played a Fleet Foxes song, but something tells me you don't know who they are.
ReplyDelete