Mindcloud Media

Saturday, January 23, 2010- Andrew has been getting some serious sinus headaches in the past couple of weeks that can get really painful. I hate seeing him in pain and not being able to stop it. All I can do is hold him and put pressure on it. He got this white stuff on his tongue from the parasite antibiotics too. He has never had so many medical mysteries before marriage. This is pushing us to get insuranc, which we are working on. We recently found out that two of our friends are illegitimately pregnant and that has to be super scary for them. I have a husband and support and that would still be a scary event for me. Andrew and I recorded our song that we sang at our wedding called "This Is What It Feels Likes" so that it could dub our singing in our wedding video (we didn't do our best that night). Monday was MLK Jr. day and we went to the hot springs with the cousins.

Andrew has started a media business called Mindcloud Media and has been working on the website a lot. He already has clients! He is working with Debra and it will provide web design, music and all other cool talents he has. I am really excited that he can put his efforts toward something he enjoys to be able to make money. Sometimes he just tells me how much fun it is to create. It suits him way better than washing dishes. I am so impressed by his abilities and creativity. He's so cool. I just God helps him put his talents to use because he really is blessed with so many. This stuff he does is so complicated to me and it is neat to see that people have spent their growing up years differently. He acquired talents in his spare time while I learned from the television about the latest stupid thing that Britney Spears did. I was so lame compared to him. I love his curiousity and drive to create. I find that fascinating and admirable. I rely on people like Andrew to make the cool stuff for me. I have become more aware of the work that goes into art. I just love that he can get an idea in his head and make it come out through graphics or music. He is learning about networking plus starting and running a business. He is so capable and has real talent so it should come along nicely. How do we find jobs we like? I am glad that I will soon be a certified teacher and do what I am interested in. So many people have not found that and it takes work to find a job that satisfies you and really uses the skills you posess.

As i've said before, life is so great but never been more challenging for me. That's how we learn. We all have to go through the akward learning periods. Have I mentioned how much I love sleeping with my husband. I love waking up beside him in the middle of the night and knowing he is there for me to snuggle up closer to. It is so tender because sometimes we will both be awake and he will give me a peck on the neck or i'll put my arms around him and squeeze him closer. During this time, we are so relaxed and sleepy and wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

So Real Married Life, Hein?

January 16, 2010- I got married to my best friend who I get to see all the time. Time is a great adjustment we have had to make. I love waking up in his arms, cooking dinner with him (since he changed to the morning shift), putting on my makeup while he pees, cleaning the apartment that we both dirtied and no one else, getting dressed together, getting undressed together, ya know, all the good parts of the day.

We got back to our apartment in Provo which was ours and nobody else's. That means no one is ever going to walk in uninvited and catch us making out and we don't have to clean up somebody's mess that isn't ours. We had our own belated Christmas since we spent ours in Mexico. We made a nice breakfast, watched "A Muppet Christmas Carol" and then opened all of our Wedding gifts. We got money and some helpful things like a tool kit and decorations and kitchen stuff. We spent that whole week before school started doing setop things. We shopped for furniture at this amazing store called IKEA where things are cheaper but you have to assemble them yourself. Andrew was the one who had an idea for a color scheme and he was so excited to decorate. We chose red, white, and black with a modern style. We bought a sofa with pillows, coffee table, kitchen table with red chairs, a red side table, cool lamps, a nightstand, and crazy curtains. We hung up a big picture of Christ and also the temple. We had a house warming party with some cousins and Meredith. I had to go through lots of name changing stuff and still am. It is going to take a while to get used to saying Ashley Beck instead of Rodgers. I love that I use Beck now because it links Andrew and I together when people see it. Andrew got a horrible parasite that caused him to have terrible cramping and diarrhea for like 5 days straight, but he got better eventually. That's when Ashley and Andrew learned that health insurance is necessary. BIG MISTAKE! But making mistakes together is what this learning process is about, and believe me we are learning everyday. We are having to grow up. We need to get car insurance, health insurace, pay rent, utilities and buy things all the time plus we need to balance school, work, scripture study, prayer, FHE church callings, temple attendance, and time for only each other. It is all great stuff but can be challenging. I am not going to do all of this new stuff perfectly, which scares me and is really hard for me to get used to. I know that if we do what we are supposed to and keep our temple covenants to the fullest, we will be happy. Happiness does not mean that life will be easy though. A lot of times we get the most joy from getting through and learning from hard things. Nothing is more important than God and the man that I am sealed to forever. I love serving the person I care about more than anything. God has already blessed us with so much. His mercies are incredible.

Our Honeymoon

December 28, 2009- We spent a couple of nights in the unique room of the Penthouse Suite at the Hines Mansion in Provo. There was a big jacuzzi, lots of room, big bed, fridge, and beautiful decor. It was very fun to say the least. We did take the sacrament the next day. Monday morning we went to the Lodge up in Aspen Grove where my family was staying. My siblings and I went and got massages at the Sundance Spa and then ate lunch together. Andrew stayed and played in the snow with the kids and others. We had a little gift exchange at our Seafood Fest dinner and then went home to pack for our real Honeymoon. We left for Puerto Vallarta, Mexico from Tuesday to Sunday. We arrived in the Airport and were bombarded with people trying to sell us stuff and get us to buy timeshares, etc. The city was full of tourism. I loved getting into our big, nice, room at the Friendly Hola Resort and having total silence and no agenda. We only had to do what we wanted, when we wanted to do it. There was free food all day, any time, a gorgeous view of the beach from our window, and dancing music all the time. We ate dinner on the beach and watched a traditional hispanic dancing show. The staff was so nice and this resort was a great cultural experience as opposed to the American ritzy ones who play jazz music and have hardly any native speakers anywhere. We layed out which was so nice seeing as how we had come from snowy Utah just the day before. Andrew got real tan and Hott!There was a nice restaurant that we could dress up for and eat at and yet we could be in our swimsuit all day if we wanted. It was wonderful! We walked around a bit and went on an excursion that was way too long, but the most fun part was being with Andrew and enjoying the moments. We found the LDS church in the middle of the city in a ghetto with brightly painted homes boasting their Catholic statues off of cobblestone streets with chickens running across them. It was an adventurous adventure in adventureland. Andrew brought his guitar and serenaded me, even played a little bit of traditional Mexican music. Did we get fat on this trip full of free food? Not necessarily fat, but we did not fully hold back. We kept on ordering Shirley Temples and this one waiter was shocked that we weren't taking advantage of the free alcoholic beverages. We ate with a Canadian family a couple of times and a shark bit Andrew's wiener, Grandma. I feel that it is necessary to get away from your city of residence for a honeymoon so that your mind can stay completely away from any residue of responsibility and habits. Mexico was so gorgeous and an absolute blast thanks to our good friend Debra Lowe. Sadly, Ashley's camera was not being good and didn't work. Do not worry for it is in time out and thinking hard about what it did. So no pictures were taken and I fail as a photographer. From now on Andrew takes the family photos. Thanks to the internet, we can put generic pictures up of the view from our room and part of what the room looked like, plus this cool sand stamp they would do everyday.

December 19th in the year of Extreme Excitement

Ashley & Andrew Wedding from Brad Winegar on Vimeo.

December 23, 2009- WE GOT MARRIED!!! And I managed to drag myself out of the bed and write in my journal. I feel that deserves an applause. Thank you.
I first wanted to talk about my endowment day. It was such a magnificent day. After some last minute errands and a quick dance final, Andrew and I drove to the Mount Timpanogas temple with great anticipation. Receiving the endowment was unlike any experience I had ever had before. My whole family, minus Meredith, was there dressed in white and there to support ME. Being in the house of the Lord with them was so overwhelming because it was like we were all in heaven together as it will be some day. It was so incredible that I couldn't keep back the tears. I was able to sit with Andrew in the gorgeous Celestial Room and think about how we will be together forever after making such strong covenants with God. I felt closer to him there. I now wear garments and they are not wierd at all. I love knowing that I am being protected and being able to remember my covenants. After leaving the temple, we met up with all the kids at a hotel and I saw Pam, Brit, Katie Hensley and Katie Nolan. They were so sweet to be there for me. We had a wonderful Groom's Dinner at the Provo Library. Debbie did a great job of organizing it and bringing the families together. We introduced everyone and it was a very enjoyable bonding time. That night I had to get all the performing songs for the reception on the Ipod and then made my way to the lodge. It was decorated for the season with lights and bells and plants plus it was so fun to have everyone living together. Andrew was taken hostage and had one of the most crazy and fun Bachelor parties ever experienced, complete with manly assignments and man hair prizes. I had my last night as a single woman in my own bedroom.
I woke up on my wedding day and it was pretty surreal for a while. The whole time I was getting ready I just couldn't believe it was finally here. The girls pampered me with makeup, hair, nails, pedicure, and lotion. I looked gorgeous and everyone wanted to help me. We ate a yummy breakfast or grits and pancakes.
We went to the temple and slowly went through the amazing process of a temple marriage. We got time together before we went into the sealing room and we were able to hold each other and think about what we were about to do. I couldn't keep from crying during the ceremony. It was so incredible to be able to feel Chet's presence during the whole thing. It was the most beautiful ceremony and the culmination of everything I have worked for in my life. I was able to be sealed to my best friend under the authority of God and make beautiful covenants with God concerning my sacred relationship with Andrew. I now feel a closeness with him unlike before. I loved him and was committed to him but now that I have made these covenants I have a deeper commitment to making him the happiest man on earth. I want to do all I can for this marriage. We came out of the temple all dressed up, Andrew in his tux and me in my dress with my bouquet. In the dressing room I had to cover up the mess that my tears caused since we were going to be taking tons of pictures. The videographer and Katherine took some great shots and we had so much fun, even though it was pretty cold.
We had the reception and saw so many people we love. It was really fun because we actually did entertaining things. People from our families were able to share their feelings about us and we sang our song, cut the cake, had live singing to our first dance and others, and threw the bouquet. It was just what we wanted. People were there to love us, make us cry with happiness and celebrate this union. Our car was decked out nicely with things like "You can do it!" and "Baby in 9 months!" It was nice to drive off and know that from then on it was about just me and Andrew. After we left, we were tired from the emotional highs and long day. We went to the Hines Mansion down the street and got into the Penthouse suite. I loved that Andrew wanted to say our first prayer together as husband and wife. He was so overwhelmed and happy. It turned out to be a plea with God to help us be so united and stay close to him and halp us in all aspects of our marriage to be what he wants us to be. He was so sincere and sensitive. I can't really explain it but it was the most tender thing I had ever seen. I love my husband from the bottom of my soul.

The Last Week

December 16, 2009-My Bridal Shower was so fun. We ate at California Pizza Kitchen and a lot of my favorite girls in Utah were there. I got so much lingerie and opened it in the middle of the restaurant. I got some interesting looks and even a thumbs up.
We got our mattress and bed set up. Debbie gave us a nice dresser and a beautiful wooden 4 post bed. We visited with cousin Mandy and she fed us good food while we watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer claymation. We played music and sang and had so much goodness fun. It snowed like crazy and now it is a winter wonderland. We went to Jeff and Nicole's on Monday to celebrate Debbie's birthday.
Mom got into town and we went shopping for things for the apartment like wonderful pillows, gorgeous purple bed sheets, towels, shower liner, rug and more. She is being helpful but sometimes too much for me. We had a lovely ward Christams party at Aspen Grove and I got excited about the family staying up there during the wedding.
Friday night we went to Andrew's and looked at old yearbooks from high school and played some old school SuperMario. Afterwards we went to the jacuzzi at Glenwood. We had to do some fancy spy work so we weren't spotted by mom in the Cambridge Court parking lot (she is staying in our apartment). It is freezing and the hot tub felt so nice. We spent Saturday evening with Debra Lowe just talking and playing a board game. She is so kind and loves us.
I got my bridals back and they are gorgeous. I had to choose three, without Andrew's opinion, to put up at the reception. We framed the bridals and engagements for the reception (which are going in our apt later) and I think I chose well. We had our interviews for doing our last ever living ordinances. This weekend will be so spiritually amazing! All these ordinances within 24 hours!
We got our marriage license and we have been working hard on the song we will sing for our reception. His talent with music and song writing bewilders me. It is beautiful and we pretty much are going to have put it together in a week. We only have to say goodnight and go our seperate ways for only 3 more nights. This weekend we need to remember to stay connected while so many people we love are vying for our attention. This is the most exciting time of my life!!It is so close and we never thought it would come. So much preparation has gone into this and it has finally come.

Lingerie Shopping and a Mattress

Tuesday, December 1- I shopped for lingerie with Meredith so that she could give it to me at my bridal shower on Saturday. The deciding question, "If you saw me in this, would you want to have sex with me?" A definite yes. Done. Andrew and I shopped for a mattress and bought one. It is a Simmons queen sized beautyrest pictured above. I thought I would leave out the picture of the lingerie. Anyway, that was one of those, "oh we're really getting married" moments.

Thanksgiving in Oregon

Sunday, November 29-Last Monday we finished all the invitations and Andrew worte the names in Calligraphy with his pen from the Calligraphy class he took in Middle School. Haha! That night we saw Andrew's cousin in a high school production of Aida. That brought back good memories and it was fun to be with Andrew's family and extended family. We attended Meredith's choir concert. Tuesday we got up and lef at 6 AM to go to Oregon for the Thanksgiving break. We drove 13 hours and hit some icy paths but arrived safely. Joy was impressed by Andrew's height and how handsome he is in person. Wednesday Quin did tons of free dental stuff for us. We got our teeth cleaned and he fixed up a cavity for me. We both got chairside whitening and sat for an hour with a crazy magical crystal glowing on our teeth. After giving us trays for whitening, our teeth are gonna look fabulous on our wedding day. It was so generous of Quin. It was cool to see him in dentist mode and at work. Their home is really cool even though they felt it wasn't presentable. They have fixed it up so much and cleared out so much land. What hard workers. We all shared one bathroom. Yeah! We watched movies every night including Twilight so that Andrew could be prepared for our date to see New Moon. Thanksgiving morning we shot shotguns and handguns on some property of a friend of Quins. Andrew loved it and Meredith connected with her inner FBI agent. It was so fun to shoot and Quin's friend Dave was so generous with his ammo and time showing us how to use the guns. Andrew shot a semi-automatic and it was really sexy. I had to pee in the woods:( Oregon was so pretty with the fog, cold, trees, and mountains. I think you just need a positive attitude in dark places. We ate a wonderful meal consisting of Turkey, stuffing, acorn quash with cinnamon and sausage, and biscuits. We talked about Joy and Quin's courting and early marriage as well as our own (minus the early marriage stage). They enjoyed getting to know Andrew and love him. Friday we took a super cool trip to a state park in California where we saw amazing giant Redwood trees. Meredith was taking tons of pictures with her new camera and the forest was just old and gorgeous. The kids were adorable. Noelle played drawing games with us and Tian is just so sensitive and sweet. Joy and Quin fed us the whole time and took such good care of us. It was a wonderful vacation and totally worth the long drive. I love vacations because I don't worry about any other obligations and I can focus all my attention on Andrew. He is my favorite person and knows me so well. He would do anything to make me feel comfortable and happy. If I every feel unhappy, just being with him makes everything all better.

I Am So Blessed To Have You

Friday, November 20-Last Saturday Andrew and I competed in Dancesport, the triple Swing. We got to quaterfinals but we were too late to compete. We watched the hott professionals. Sunday Andrew read me his journal from last Fall/Winter. I love the way he writes. He is so eloquent, romantic, and creative. We just looked into each other's eyes and told each other how much we love each other. I cried because I love him with all my heart and am so so blessed to have him. Monday we found the tuxedo. Wednesday we went to see Savior of the World with Meredith. Shanti was Mary and she was phenomenal. We signed the contract with Cambridge Court! Last Friday we played volleybal but with walls. We were with Bethany and her boyfriend and afterwards we made yummy smoothies.

We Found Housing!

Friday, November 13- We visited Meredith on Sunday and watched "Marley and Me." Wednesday we fasted for housing. We had looked at a lot of options and decided that we have to spend more to get what we want. We like a place that isn't a basement, dimly lit , grungy, or spider infested. It felt good when I looked into living at Cambridge Court. I turned in an application on Thursday and saw the apartment. It looked so great and Andrew loved it too. We want to have a place to come home to that invites the spirit, that we love coming home to and is enjoyable to live in. It is a priority to us and so we will do what it takes to make it happen. We are not paying an over the top price, just 30$ more than the average around here. We have sent out our invitations.

This a collage of all of it.

I got the wedding dress back today and it is so perfect and gorgeous. Debbie helped me with the veil. I am using part of Joy's veil. Today was just such a positive, excited day for marriage. Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about hard stuff and the preparation, but then other days I focus on how amazing it will be to be with Andrew and all the bliss after school is done so that we can enjoy vacation and marriage covenants. I presented his ring to him on an accidently dropped tres leches and asked him to marry me. He thought it was cute. We sat down and budgeted and somehow Andrew was surprised at how much money we won't have. He was discouraged about finances, which is our least favorite thing to deal with and our weakest point in marriage prep. We will be fine though because we will try our best to work, always have support in family, and will always pay tithing and live righteously. The Lord will provide a way.

Couldn't We Just Cuddle This Time?!

Saturday, November 7- I like weddings because they bring people together. I talk to my sisters every week, my grandpa calls me and my cousin calls to tell me she is moving to Utah and getting baptized. I guess I am maturing to a new stage in life and people can relate to me more, plus people are so excited for this new life I am creating with Andrew. I bought Andrew's ring and it is so attractive. Monday we went hot tubbing for FHE. Best idea ever. Andrew and I talked about how to deal with any issues of men wanting sex more often than women and it got very emotional. It really worries him and I assured him it will not be a problem. In fact my goal is to want sex so much that he will need to ask me if maybe we could just cuddle this time. I put him at ease. I went to the gynecology nurse and got a papsmear, pelvic exam, and breast exam. It was not horrible and really great to know that I am physically ready for sex. I started birth control on the Nuva Ring which is really easy. I don't expect the hormones to affect me and make me go crazy. I bought hot bridesmaid dresses and Andrew paid for our wedding night and the next night at a local Bed and Breakfast.

Batman Symbol Pumpkin Carving

Tuesday October 27- Last week we bought pizza and watched Grey's Anatomy to wind down after a busy day for Andrew. Tuesday we went to my freshman ward reunion and then took the truck and equipment back to the owners. Tiring. I had a dress fitting where I tried on a mock jacket. I have lost inches in my waist and hips in the past 2 months and she will need to alter that part of the dress. I didn't know I had gotten results from working out. How exciting. The other day I was very successful in my oral exam with a very difficult respectable professor. She told me I will be a good example of speaking french for my students. She doesn't just hand out compliments so i was really excited. She repeatedly told me that Andrew is very handsome. Friday night we carved a batman symbol on a pumpkin with other engaged couples. Just a little Halloween pumpkin carving tradition. The night Andrew talked to me after FHE was the night we carved pumpkins and he really liked that I carved a Batman symbol into mine. Saturday we saw some of our engagement pictures and screamed with extreme joy and outrageous satisfaction. They are incredible and everyone absolutely loves them. So many people have told us that they are the best engagement photos they have every seen. We hung out with Meredith and had a tie-dye party and watched Rat Race to celebrate her birthday. We had dinner with Andrew's co-workers and worked on gathering addresses. Monday we saw Frankenstein at a theater with Debbie. Today I spaced and didn't get a test done on time. Luckily the professor didn't mind since it was e-mailable. I never make mistakes like that and Andrew was glad to see that I am a normal human after all. He is always able to make me feel better. He doesn't try to solve the problem but just tells me how amazing and beautiful and successful, etc that I am, which helps me feel less of a failure.

A Piano In The Woods?!!

Saturday, Oct. 17th-Today was quite and adventure. We took engagement pictures. We found a photographer that fit hte style we liked. Andrew got the crazy idea of bringing a piano into the middle of the forest and taking pictures there. When I had first heard his idea, I doubted it because it would be a lot of work, but after doing this I realized that I need to always support him and make his visions come true. He has made so many incredible things happen in his life and he will continue to do that. I love that he has passions and goals. So we got dresses up all hot, borrowed his brother's piano and Andrew learned how to move it and use the equipment. We drove up to the Alpine Loop and found a grove of Aspens that was level enough to move the 600 pound piano into it. We did crazy heaving and manuevering to get it in the perfect spot. We did great poses and had so much fun shooting it. People kept on stopping and telling us how cool it was and gawked a bit. Katherine, the photographer, loved everything we brought to the table and she said they are going to look fabulous. At one point we revealed the inside of the piano and hung my ring on a peg and other stuff. As careful as we tried to be, at one point it fell into the piano and I had to fish it out with makeshift chopsticks. I almost died when it fell in but we rejoiced when it was retrieved. We had a blast singing awesome songs at an old upright piano in the middle of some gorgeous trees in the mountains. It was so much work to get it in such a crazy environment, but it will be so worth it. I am so glad that we helped him make his vision and dream come true. We can't wait to see the pictures and everyone we tell about them is just as eager. Katherine said we were awesome models and make her photography look so much better. All the elements came together to make an incredible photo shoot. What a unique adventure. Life with Andrew is and exciting adventure and I can't wait to see what we get ourselves into!

Here is a link to our photographer's blog post about our adventures!

Trust Me

Wednesday, Oct. 14- I spoke with mama the day after and am at peace with my life and all that comes my way now and in the future. I have so much support and I need to focus on God's will and my spiritual well-being. That is the most important stuff. Andrew and I had a really hard talk last weekend. When you love someone so much, you can experience the sweetest joy and the worst sorrow. That was one of those moments where because I love him so much, his words could hurt me that much more. We had to address some doubts in his mind about trust and commitment as well as questioning if I would be happier with another guy. I was really cut deep by that because my mind has never entertained that thought and it shocked me that Andrew still felt that I should think about that. He pushed me really hard to answer some really tough questions and analyze us. It was hard and I prayed for strength which I received. The Lord helped me say some direct things and helped me understand myself and express my thoughts and feelings. He also helped me say things that helped Andrew understand himself and us. As extremely difficult as it was, it helped Andrew overcome some issues he has been dealing with. He is fully going to trust me now and needed help with some confidence things. We went to some dark places and I am so glad that I am able to handle that so that we can both progress and be where we are now. He is trying to give me the benefit of the doubt whenever he gets a bad vibe from me. It is not intentional and not always about him, unless he is giving me that vibe first. He's very sensitive to that stuff. Things are so good and I can tell that Andrew is happier, which makes us happier. Saturday we watched Beauty and the Beast and looked at housing. We checked out this cool place and liked it a lot. We aren't making any decisions yet but we can't stop imagining ourselves in it. Sunday is so great because we have all day together AND get spiritual enrichment. Andrew started another portrait of me and pretty much finished it. I love when he draws me. He played the piano for me and it had been a while. I cannot explain what that does to me but it involves me crying out of sexual frustration.

So Much To Do

Thursday, Oct. 8th-Saturday and Sunday were conference and it was inspiring to hear from the prophet and apostles. I loved Elder Bednar's talk where he said that our spouses and children need to hear that you love them in the home and outside of it. He gave great advice about how consistency will be what children remember most about FHE or the home environment more than the lesson or spirit felt. So true. I realized that Andrew and I can make our reception a way to do a bit of missionary work and we want to involve God in it somehow. I got the idea that we should bear our testimony of what we did that day in the temple and how happy the decision makes us because the Gospel gives us an eternal perspective. We can say and do whatever we want and people have to listen since it is our special day. We both have nonmember friends that we love that will be there plus my granpdparents, and they all love us and will need to respect our feelings and listen. Saturday night, Andrew and I got amazing sushi. Sunday we went to Grandma and Daddo's and celebrated Aurora's birthday. We had a surprise birthday party for Lydia at Haleigh's and hing out with married couples and Cassi and Drew. That evening we read about the church's stance on birth control and talked about when to have kids. We had talked about this before but we weren't engaged and hadn't really talked about sex and babies like we have now. I kind of frekaed out in my mind because I allowed it to become real and not a "someday this will happen" thought. I asked all these questions like what if my body doesn't do well carrying a baby and what if I get depressed, etc? Andrew reacted perfectly by telling me that he will always be willing to help and be there to talk to and will always take care of me. This was all on top of telling me that I will be an amazing mom and empathized with my fear. I was so greatful for that. This led me to get a doctor's appointment for a premarital exam. I was prepared to get a pelvic exam but that didn't happen. It was very beneficial because we discussed some important things. But when mom called she told me how I din't do what she asked and lectured me about all this crazy medical stuff. It frustrated me because I didn't want to do what she suggests. I cried because I realized that being a real adult takes so much work and I don't know what i'm doing. Insurance, bills, work, school, kids, banking, and so much more that I have to stay on top of and do right. How are we going to have enough money to live? Everything is so new and it's such a huge transition, so i'm scared. I know I have Andrew which is comforting but we are heading for a wake up call and it's hard. It's sometimes hard to give Andrew the attention he deserves during the busy weekdays. If we were married, it would be easier to live life. It's hard being in this pseudo marriage. There is so much to get done and think about for a transition into married life. On top of the engagement photos, invites, addresses, rings, housing, birth control, and little details, there is the stuff after marriage like changing my last name, moving, buying home furnishings and supplies, merging bank accounts, getting insurance for everything under the sun, and adjusting to being married. So um... can we just skip the crazyness, have the hard semester be over and have it be the best day of my life already? In summary, I have a lot to do and a lot on my mind because my mind has to always think about everything on the list to accomplish plus midterms and finals coming up. C'est la vie d'une personne fiancee.

The Sexiest Man Alive

Wednessday Sept. 30-Grey's Anatomy is back on and we get to watch it together again. Saturday we went to see Pan's Labrynth with Debbie at the International Cinema. It was very well done. Afterwards we went to the Framers Market. Vendors congregate at Pioneer Park and sell homemade products and foods. There was good authentic spanish foods. We went up to Sugarhouse to visit Jeff and Nicole. We played with the girls. I love that he has a personality and talents that make him so enjoyable to play with as a child, and an adult if I may add. He improved the goodnight songs for the girls and made up silly lyrics as he played the keyboard. He is so funny and I can just imagine him singing our kids to slepp. He played with them by carrying them on his back and doing silly things to make them laugh, plus he draws with them. He will be a wonderful father. We ate dinner at the Nelson's home. It was very nice of them to invite us over and for them to want to meet me, though they actually didn't ask me many questions about myself. Andrew played the cd of his high school band, Don Juan Triumphant, for me and I loved hearing his musical talent as a teenager. He wrote the lyrics, played guitar sometimes, and sang. I have a huge groupy crush on his sexy voice and skills. Oh man...... (10 minutes later) sorry I was just daydreaming about hooking up with him after the show. Anyway, the band was really good, and did I mention that Andrew is the sexiest man alive? I just want to make it understood to the world. We went to the French house dinner to see friends and allow Andrew to be in a French speaking environment. I read him some of my papers I wrote for my marriage and family class that I took a while ago. A couple of weeks ago we planned our reception with White Willow. Andrew gave a lot of artistic input with the flowers, centerpeices, table toppers, and food. I love that he knows what is appealing and shares his opinion. Most guys wouldn't care. As he said today "Ashley, you are so lucky that you get a guy who knows how to dress, is in touch with his emotions, is attractive, and understands women, but is not gay in anyway ." Haha, a rare find indeed.

Sexuality Discussion.... Again

Wednesday, Sept. 23- The other day in class I realized why sex is so sacred. Sex is for pleasure but its main purpose is for procreating. It is an incredible process that fully incorporates husband, wife, and God. We are able to give the spirit child in heaven that God created, a physical body and make it possible for that child to enter mortality on earth. God trusts us to use those powers correctly and allows us to be part of his creating process. He creates the spirit and we provide the physical body. How cool! Life is like a testing ground for the creation of posterity and eternal parentage in the celestial kingdom. God's job description is an eternal Dad who brings to pass the immortality and eternal life of his children. We want to be like him and must be eternally sealed to a spouse to be exalted and partake in eternal parentage like him. Woah, so exciting. Last Friday I spent time reconnecting with Andrew. I hate it when he is distant. My goal is to never have that happen. It's amazing what talking, laughing, and listening to each other can do for our relationship. It reminds us why we are in love and how lonely and unfullfilled we would be without each other. Man is not meant to be alone, that is for sure. We are all here to progress and that is what the challenge of marriage brings: a different perspective and opportunity to be selfless and work together with someone you love. Love is like the greatest feeling ever and I could have never imagined how God given it is until I actually experienced it. Saturday I watched the Gator football game with Andrew. I taught him about the game of football. It is very sweet of him to pay attention to and try to understand something that I really enjoy. Deep down he likes the spinning and the tackling and the hurting. Sunday we had our french house girls over with their men, including the recently engaged Shanda and Tony. Yay! We played Curses at Meredith's apartment. We love that game and laughed SOOOO hard. We worked a little more on the song that we are writing for our reception. I am super excited because I have an incredibly talented fiance with whom I get to create and awesome love song with. No way. I love all the things he exposes me to and encourages me to explore and take part in. We recently recommitted ourselves to keeping the physical rules and then quickly broke them. This was the last time I wanted to feel like I was too weak to keep up my part of the commitment we made with God. We set these rules so that we wouldn't arouse feelings that should be preserved for sex within marriage. We never have broken the big no-no rules but Satan tries to lead us away little by little, small deviations. He works hard on us because he knows we have strong passion for each other and long to show that, especially since we are very sexually passionate people. I brought up how I am disappointed that we broke some rules and there was disconnection between us because we both felt remorse for our weaknesses and needed to talk things out. That remorse was enough punishment. We could have walked away and said nothing but confronting it was way better for us. We need to trust and support each other to keep our commitment. I hate that being forbidden to show our love in a sexual way causes frustration and as in this case a disconnected feeling because there are so many boundaries, but in marriage it can be the most unifying act. I have never before been so tempted to break a serious coommandment. The first time I felt this way I remember that I had never before felt my reasoning (which is very straight pathed and solid) being overtaken by my bodily urges and hormones. It is a dangerous and unique part of me that I have had to learn to control. I am so glad that we began talking about physical boundaries months before our engagement stage. I thought recently about how if we had not grown up with the mentality and decision already made that we would not engage in premarital sex, we could easily give in to forbidden sexual acts by now. It's crazy because this is an important test that God is giving us that will only last for less than 3 more months and then all the self control will go out the window. God has so many blessings and great works for us to do but we must keep the commandments and be married in the temple. We must be strong and keep an eternal perspective on things. I want those blesssings so badly and I will do everything it takes to reach that potential.

Bowling In A Dress

Monday, Sept. 14- It was Labor Day last week so we ate lunch with Andrew's best friends Ben, Rob, and Josh. It was fun to be with him and laugh with his good friends. We took a marriage relate test and discussed some of the aspects of our relationship that it addressed. We now have a routine of working out everyday by running daily and then strength training 3 times a week. I enjoy toning my muscles. It's been a while. Tuesday the stake went to Seven Peaks water park for free and we rode the slides, ate pizza, and swam down the river with friends. I really enjoy our weekends because we have much more time together. Saturday we dressed up in really nice clothes (me in my prom dress and Andrew in a nice suit) and went bowling. Yes people stared a bit but it was so different and honestly very fun. I am trying to not focus too much on what other people think of any unusual behavior I do and become more comfortable and having fun doing whatever I feel like with Andrew. I make our interactions more enjoyable when I just focus on us and not how what I do affects anyone else. We went to Lehi to partake in Daniel's Aaronic Priesthood ordination. All of Andrew's family was there except Erin. I felt like Andrew and I were treated like a married couple and felt more grown up surrounded by family units. I love spending time with family and love Grandma and Daddo's. Today there was a rainstorm with hail. We were lucky enough not to be in class during it so we went out side and played in the soaking rain. I have been observing french teachers in the public school system and I love it!

The New Semester Starts

Sunday, Sept. 6- We went to an Imagine Dragons concert at Velour and enjoyed dancing to the creative music of Dan Reynolds. Being at the Velour brought back good memories for us. That afternoon we went on a hike with the McKay Florence family. It was 6 miles up in the beautiful nature of the Uintas. Sunday was our first week in the ward since the big turnover. We have to meet at 9 now and so we shouldn't stay up late. Notice the word "shouldn't." What can you do when you are engaged and don't want to leave each other at night? We read marriage talks and I read about preparing for the temple. Great stuff. Andrew wrote me a sweet letter expressing his appreciation for the efforts to change and make him feel more cherished. We took part in an improv fireside led by Aunt Laree. It took me back to my drama days. I found out that some of my closest friends are flying out from Florida to be at the wedding reception and be with me on my special day. I was so overjoyed since I thought they wouldn't come. So far it is Katie, Chino, and Pam. Andrew bought this great cologne called Armani Code and it is oh so sexy, dangerously enticing. I have limited his use of it until we are married. It smells hot dang good. School started and love my classes but as life gets busier we have to find time to be together, but is no problem. I am taking an LDS Marriage and Family class that pretty much gets me so siked and prepared for a temple marriage. We are discussing some really interesting gospel as well as marriage stuff. Andrew and I are in a social dance class together. I love having a direction in my life. School is way better when you know what job you want to have and then can really focus on how you can apply the concepts you learn. Andrew is really enjoying his psychology classes. We went to a house show where Jes, Aurora, and Andrew played some fantastic songs as always. They are so talented it is crazy. Andrew and I were called to be the Marriage and Family Relations sunday school teachers and we peed our pants like never before. Seriously, the bishop had to get a mop and clean it up himself. Our relationship with him has never been the same since. But anyway, we are so excited to be teaching about a topic we are so passionate about and love to share our feelings and opinions about. We went to a duck pond and drew portraits of each other. I haven't drawn in a while but as expected Andrew's was way better.

The Act of Marriage

Thursday, August 27th- Andrew flew home from Boston on Saturday. I was at Haleigh and Gavin's wedding reception at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and picked him up from the airport. It was a joyous reunion. I don't know what has come over me but I am feeling so much attraction toward him and want to kiss him a lot more frequently. We have found that kissing since engaged has gotten noticeably more enjoyable. Can someone explain that please? We sat on a blanket in the park and caught up that night. We watched the Oquirrh Mountain temple dedication and spent time at Grandma and Daddo's. We looked at pictures of them in their younger years and also pictures of extended family. I wrote Haylee back. Monday we watched "A Goofy Movie" and "Hercules" at Debbie's. It was a great blast from the past. Andrew made me waffles. Sometimes we are so in sync or similar that I can't believe it. I believe that we become more similar and like each other the more time we spend together. If all I had in the world was the gospel and Andrew, I could be sublimely happy. And that's why family members are sealed together forever. How incredible! I had gotten promptings recently that I needed to decide on a venue that day. We went to the White Willow reception center and it worked perfectly well. We decided to put it on hold which meant that they would take down my name and call me if anyone else was interested. I received a voicemail an hour later while I was getting fitted for the dress alterations. It was White Willow saying that another bride wanted the same date and would do anything to get it. Luckily I had priority and called back to definitely say yes. Thank goodness I was prompted to go when I did. We went to look at man rings, get more lace for my dress and visit Meredith. We had an FHE with her about the meaning of life based on a short film called "Doggie Poo." Unfortunately it is not as intriguing or exciting as the title may suggest. We have put pictures together for our slideshow and stumbled upon so many cute ones. We had dinner with Aurora's family and they are very enjoyable people. Andrew read this great book called "Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love" and he gave it to me to read. First of all, it is recommended that it be read and discussed right before marriage but we didn't want to have to read it during finals week and I want to know everything before I go see a doctor so that I can be prepared and comfortable. I loved it and it was so enlightening because it talks about every part of sex and gave me information that helped ease all the fear and confusion with the real, in depth, and rather intense details. It was written with a Christian perspective and so it explained how intimate and sacred sex is and therefore is to be only engaged in after marriage. Sex is a great indicator of how a marriage is going since it involves everything mental, emotional, and physical about a person. I loved learning about how sex really impacts a marriage and how your mentality is so important to it's success in your marriage. Andrew and I discussed all of the discussable things, for the time being, in the book (in a public place of course) and it was really fun to communicate and open up that part of our future. I think communicating about it now will make it so much easier to communicate about later. Sex is one of the most frequently argued about subjects in marriage so it is important to be comfortable discussing everything about it. After getting an idea of what role it plays in marriage and understanding that informing myself correctly and knowing what to expect are going to make it the most enjoyable, I am excited and convinced that it will be such an enjoyable thing for us the first time. I guess it is recommended that couples not read it until right before marriage because it gets you too excited and curious about it. We are just fine though and reading it now works perfectly for us. We are all about being prepared and studying up so that we can do things the right way in life. Now I have more aniticipation instead of fear or anxiety about it because I know a lot more about what to expect. Surprisingly, many women are not prepared or informed enough about sex and do not have an enjoyable first experience or even first couple of months, so I already have a one up and things should go well. Anyway, to sum up my feelings, I am attracted beyond measure to Andrew, engagement is sexually frustrating, sex is no longer a mystery, and I am engaged to the most perfect man for me. I love how love just keeps getting deeper. I am so excited to get married! I know that every engaged person thinks they are the most in love and the luckiest person alive, but really, we are exceptionally so in love and beyond words blessed and happy. What a godly insitution marriage is.

Voyage to California

Thursday August 20th- I went on a trip to California with Debbie and the grandparents. What a unique experience to spend so much time with my future in-laws. I helped drive and ended up talking to the grandparents about how they met and their life. There were so many times when I saw what the role of a grandparent is since I have not seen too much of it or feel like I am that close to mine. I was able to talk to them about the gospel. Daddo started crying when he told me how proud he is of Andrew and that he would kkep Christ a part of the proposal. It just showed him how much the gospel means to Andrew. Grandma said that all of her grandchildren and their spouses are so wonderful that they are going to be translated. So many times they would tell me that they love me and say how happy I make them and how blessed they are to have me intheir lives. Daddo passed down an heirloom ring to his son and everyone treated them with so much respect. They are the eldest and are the matriarch and patriarch of the families. We drove to Camarillo where Summer's family lives. They had dinner every night that everyone was home and everyone was willing to help cook and cleanup. The coast is so gorgeous and I wouldn't mind maybe living there someday. Andrew was in Boston so we talked on the phone everyday. Talking on the phone forces me to tell him I love him verbally and say lots of sweet things. I want to always do that and make that a goal. Andrew asked me a little before he left if I would try to be kinder and more considerate of him. He needs to hear I love you. I recommitted myself to always treating him like a prince and tell him nice things whenever I think about it. I am too blessed to have him in my life to not let him know that daily. This was our last time of separation and it won't happen ever again for more than 24 hours. We can't handle it. I am so glad that Andrew feels like going on long business trips or being away from the family is not worth anything and would be so unenjoyable.

Summer School Ends and the Temple is in View

Wednesday, August 12th-I have been looking into changing my major to French Teaching and it looks like I will have about two more years of school. I will have to get a minor in teaching english as a second language. Andrew took his finals and was very overwhelmed by them. He needed to relax so I made him food and gave him a massage. After work we watched the sunset at his mom's condo, which she has now officiallly bought. He took me to Bridal Veil falls because I had never been there before. We sped there to the Batman theme song music written by Danny Elfman. We visited a possible reception venue and then saw the Mount Timpanogos temple up close and in person. It is so gorgeous. We went to lunch with Debra Lowe at CPK. It was enjoyable to get to know her better. She is really neat and goes out of her way for us.

Our First Week Being Engaged

Sunday, August 9th- Wedding planning isn't too bad, maybe even a bit enjoyable. Okay I like planning a huge party. Monday night we made rules concerning our physical interaction. It was good to talk about everything and rule out even the tiniest things. After we thought it was complete we prayed about it. Andrew taught me about a different approach to praying. In the middle of the prayer he asked God if the list was pleasing to him. Right away I felt at peace and I was a bit thrown off by this type of prayer. I had never thougth to stop in the middle of a prayer to ask about something specific. I like it and we will continue this way. Since we have made the list we feel very good about our interaction together. There are so many other ways to show your love for someone. We must be respectful and not try to satisfy our sexual desires yet. Throughout the week we made a guest list and decided that we only want to invite people that will be so excited for us and with whom we want to share that special day. It looks like about 150 people will be invited. We set the date for December 19th in the Mount Timpanogos temple. The temple sent us information about the preparation process and it made things seem so official. All my family is so ecited about everything and my sisters are so willing to help. Mom and Dad have rented a cabin in Aspen Grove for all the families to stay together. That will be so fun to have everyone together and to get Andrew's family over there once in a while. Friday we went on a ward campout at Deer Creek Reservoir in the canyon. We went swimming, canoeing, ate tin foil dinners, sang around the campfire while Andrew played the guitar, roasted marshmallows, talked about our engagement, showed people the ring (since I just got it back from being resized), and slept in sleeping bags in tents. In the morning we had a huge breakfast with omelettes, sausage, fruit, juices, pancakes with Sister Jensen's super sinful speed syrup, cleaned up and cleared off trails in the park. It was such a blast. That afternoon I wewnt wedding dress shopping with Cassi and Shanda. We found some I liked but at the end of the day Shanda realized I could probably fit her dress. It fit me and she is letting me borrow it and do what I would like to it to make it what I want. It is so beautiful and I wouldn't have to buy a 1,000 dollar dress that I would wear once. I am so grateful to her and very excited. We went to church on Sunday and listened to Meredith sing in sacrament meeting. After a sunday school lesson on eternal marriage we went to our ward and were able to announce our engagement to those who had not heard or seen the ring. After spending time with Debbie, we went to our first bishops interview as an engaged couple. That was great and I am so excited to prepare for the temple with him. We received a packet of talks on marriage that we can read together. We spent some of the rest of the night discussing similarities on certain marriage issues and then listened to Fiona, a girl in our ward, talk to us about her life. Many times we get compliments from people who are really impressed that we are still involved in other peoples' lives even though we are engaged. They like that we don't become recluses and we are just so adorable together. We are so comfortable with our relationship and each other that we can pay attention to other people. We finally took pictures of the most gorgeous ring ever. I love it and people are always so impressed that Andrew picked it out all by himself. He's an artist with an eye for the aesthetically pleasing and beautiful.

Ashley Elizabeth Rodgers... Will You Marry Me?

Sunday August 2- Our weekend started with doing baptisms for the dead. As Andrew was baptizing me, I tried to slyly show some PDA in the font so I lightly stroked his hand with my left thumb. We felt like rebels and he chuckled a bit. Saturday we studied for his test and took a break by going to a pizzeria for lunch. We were just laughing left and right. That night we went to Lydia's wedding reception and all my close french house girls were there. There were ballroom performances and her father sang a gorgeous opera number. We danced to Quando, ate crepes and a cream puff wedding cake. It was such a party and an interactive celebration of their love. Lydia said that we were the next couple to get married so I had to catch the bouquet. In true Ashley fashion, I did. Andrew gave me lots of kisses and called me his hero. I asked him, with a sly smile, if I got anything else for catching the bouquet. We rushed over to Andrew's friend Rob's wedding and caught them right as they were leaving. There was a rushed Hey, Glad you could make it, We're leaving on our honeymoon right now, Bye. We knew what was on their mind. We visited some guys in our ward and then Andrew played gorgeous songs on the piano He started to make up a song with cute lyrics about how he really likes me in a silly voice and junior highish way. We watched Liken the Scriptures with Debbie and then went home. At the end of the night we were staring into each other's eyes and we both felt a connection of deeper love. I have felt love for him growing over the past months and it was so strong at that moment. We both just feel it without saying a word. He kissed me so slowly and tenderly and I almost cried because my love for him made me so happy inside. Sunday came around and I had an idea that this was the big day. Through accidental happenstance, I found out that he had the ring on him on Friday and wanted to propose soon. I dressed up really pretty and while we held hands in church, I kept thinking how there could be a ring on my left hand by tonight. After church Andrew went to put the final touches on his plan. He told me he had to go Home Teaching and I was a bit skeptical since it was the beginning of the month. We made dinner for Meredith and Ryan but they had a falling out right before hand so I opened the door to find Meredith holding the dessert and crying. She was glad that we were around to hold her, cheer her up, and give her advice. She needed to get home so we dropped her off and sped home. I could tell that Andrew wanted to do something before sunset. We drove over to Rock Canyon Park and started exploring the different groves and dry creek bed. We held each other as the wind blew on us and the sun was setting. He told me that he never imagined that true love would feel like this. We came across another grove and he told me to go in. I was hesitant because I have a fear of spider webs so I asked him to go first. Didn't work. I pushed my way past the tree branches and came upon a clearing in the middle of the grove. I looked to my left and saw framed pictures of us hung on the trees in a circular shape. In the middle of those pictures was a huge picture of Christ symbolizing Christ as the center of our relationship, so beautiful. I picked my favorite picture and Andrew knelt down and said "Ashley Elizabeth Rodgers, will you marry me?" I said "Yes with all my heart." He had a ring box in his hand but I didn't really even look at it. I hugged him and kissed him. He took out the ring, threw the box (which we later found in the dark) and proceeded to put it on my right hand which I corrected him on. I started to tear up a bit after I held him some more and said I love you. We sat on a blanket in the park and talked about all the secret stuff leading up to this mysterious proposal. At one point we were laying down and I embraced him as we rolled down the hill a ways. The ring is so gorgeous. It is so sparkly in the sunlight. He loves it so much and it is exactly the style I wanted. It is designed by Eddy Z, white gold, pave, 1.1 carat diamond, princess shape, set on point, I in color, SI (1) in clarity and it is such a beautiful gift from him. This ring means that he wants to spend everyday with me for the rest of our lives. After he asked me to marry him a couple of more times, I wanted to see the ring in the light. We went home and I called all the people close to me. Obviously family first and then friends. A lot of people knew why I was calling right when they picked up. Everyone was so excited and I am beside myself overjoyed. I'm so glad that it's official. We have to get the ring resized because it was a little too big. So amazing. I am the luckiest girl in the world. Oh happy day!! August 2, 2009 Ashley Rodgers and Andrew Beck are engaged. Now I can finally introduce him as my fiance. Yay!

A Look Into Andrew's Past

Wednesday July 29-Sunday we made breakfast together and that night we went over to Andrew's cousin Eliza and her husband Jude's home. We had a lovely dinner and played the hilarious game of Balderdash. We picked up Andrew's car on the way back. In true Andrew fashion he left the keys in the ignition half way on. I jumped his car. We had a nice talk on the porch and he showed me a site that Debra Lowe made for him while he was on his mission, as well as a site that he refers people to to look at his are and graphics stuff. Andrew cut his hair really short and I didn't realize how much I missed the curls. I'm glad hair grows back. The other night we took a walk and Andrew was able to talk to Joy on the phone. I love when people I love get to know him. It impresses me how personable he can be. He is so unique and interesting that people can't help but be drawn to him, plus he is very easy to talk to. I really do feel like the luckiest woman in the world. We worked out and ran and Andrew said something that made it sound like he bought a ring. Oh this is so excting! Seriously. He showed me old pix of him including some hott rockstar photos. I also saw the drawings he has done over the years, since he was like 5. He draws from his mind a lot and it's a creative outlet for him. He spent his free time drawing instead of watching tons of tv. He loved it and he is so gifted. He created comics, characters, mazes, his own V-day cards and b-day invitations. We read some notes from a whole box of letters and notes from the past. They were hilarious notes from middle school girls who were crushing on him. He was the cool, artistic, creative, musical, well liked guy who was friends with every group of people and voted most likely to be a rockstar and best dressed (in his vintage clothes and long hair). He just marched to his own beat and you know there was always a beat going on. His high school time was very different from mine and I really love that he does what makes him happy and doesn't really care about the public's perception.

Haylee Comes To Visit

Saturday, July 25- Thursday we took Hannah, Josiah, and Daniel to the Oquirrh Mountain temple open house and it was absolutely lovely. We broke down in Andrew's car and had to entertain the kids in the heat while we let it cool off. Mer slept over and Friday Andrew made pancakes, we watched The Spongebob Squarepants movie and went swimming. We are all way too funny together. That night we had dinner at the Bishop's house for Pioneer Day. Haylee was in town with her mom Jenn and little sister Brecken. It was so fun to see her again. Andrew is so good with kids and they think he is so funny. The bishop is incredible. He gardens, cooks, built his house, and has so many cool projects. We played outside on the trampoline, did barrell rolling races, and swung on the hammock. We roasted marshmellows and then watched a home fireworks show. Incredibly enjoyable. Don't worry, the barrel racing picture is taken at this wierd angle that makes it look like Andrew is winning but it is just an illusion.

We Can't Wait For You To Be In Our Family

Monday, July 20- After Stacie and Seth's wedding reception we saw Wolverine Origins. We hung out with Mer and Ryan and messed around. Meredith pushed me into a wodden fence and we broke it but fixed it to look like nothing happened. Shhh! Grandma Aurora was in the hospital yesterday so we went to visit her. She said that she can't wait to have me in their family. Those two are just too sweet. Andrew told me more about his mission and showed me pictures of some of the many people he baptized. He talked about when his mentality about the work changed and he decided to become the best missionary ever. He had so many incredible experiences and really learned how to pray and receive direction and answers. Sometimes I wish I could go through that so that I could have miraculous experiences. God shaped him up to be the incredible man he is today while he was in Philly. He is really sexy in the gospel. Wait can I put those two words together in the same sentence? He will be a great spiritual leader in our home and I am so honored to be the person who gets to hold his heart and raise children with him. Today we helped usher at the Covey Center with Debbie. The musical was about Lehi's journey and was not really well done but there were some good jokes that came from it. We had a talk about Andrew's doubts and fears concerning us and if our emotions are compatible. He talked about how maybe we would be suited for other people since I am content and don't need or ask for much and he is more needy and equipped to handle and pamper high maintenance girls. Again we needed to remember that we both could learn from each other how to be less extreme in those areas. A lot of things were said that brought us to doubt marriage and he said some things that were hurtful and pushed me away. It's just confusing because we got the answer to get married but Satan brings these thoughts into Andrew's mind that are valid points to discuss but cause us to question God's answer. Faith and trust in the Lord will bring about blessings and we can't allow Satan to scare us this way. We are getting married and it will be good for Andrew to give me the ring so that this can be official and he can stop his brain a little more from analyzing too deeply and doubt.

Engagement Rings, Hallelujah!

Thursday, July 16- Andrew and I have talked about engagement rings. Yay! He asked about my rings size and I went to stores to see what styles I like. He can go see the ones I like to get an idea. They are so beautiful and it is so exciting to know that we could get engaged within the next month. I have also made some wedding decisions. I know that I am not even engaged but girls do stuff like this. So even though we will be getting married in the winter, it will be best if we were married in Utah and not in Florida. The amount of people that could actually attend the temple wedding comes mostly from people in Utah, Andrew's family and our friends. The people with money in my family can afford to fly here from the east. Wierd because I have always imagined Florida but this is more practical. We can have a reception here and then fly to Florida for a casual Open House and maybe a honeymoon cruise. It is all tentative but I like December 21st. Andrew has gotten past any fears about December being too close. Now he just wants to marry me tomorrow. I think he wanted more job security and needed to accept on faith that the Lord has given him his answer and he needs to do it without any big questioning. Tonight we went to the park, layed on a blanket and talked. I love connecting with him like that.

Skyler's Baptism

Monday, July 13- For 4th of July Weekend we spent time with Andrew's family to watch the hot air balloons take off. All the kids were there and we had breakfast together afterwards. We all went to the Walter Wick exhbit at the MOA. He is an incredible photographer builder artist who makes mind boggling pictures and designs. We worked Stadium of Fire and we rode the elevator for 5 hours. Atleast we were together and had fun kissing when no one was on it. We saw the Jonas Brothers and fireworks. Sunday we went up to the mountains and then stopped at Debbie's to spend time with Jenny and the kids. We watched Liken the Scriptures and then Skyler called me and asked me to give a talk at her baptism. I was so thrilled and excited about that opportunity. It's times like that where a child loves me so much that makes me want children really badly. I can't wait to have a little me who looks up to me and thinks i'm the coolest person ever. I bought Andrew his own anointing oil and bottle for his keychain. We went to Costa Vida, yummy tres leches, to celebrate Andrew getting a job at the temple cafeteria and then watched a french film. Andrew studied hard for his french test and got an A!!! He is doing so well. We finally wrestled for chapstick since my foot is healed. He bought me a dozen red roses for no special reason other than to show me he loves me. They were gorgeous. We drove down to Saint George and it felt so comfortable to have Andrew around the family again. Mom and Dad missed me a lot and they really love Andrew. Mom was telling Quin about how she kisses Andrew and he calls her mama. Quin got really jealous and thought it unfair that she likes him so much and he isn't even part of the family. I believe he feels his title as favorite son in-law being slowly stripped away. The baptism was wonderful and Andrew accompanied Meredith and me as we sang "Our Savior's Love." Afterwards we went to Cracker Barrel and then hung out with Candie's family and watched UFC. We cooked dinner together with the kids the next day and took a walk with them. We love those children so much.

The New Guy

Thursday, July 2- Meredith is now dating this guy Ryan that she met last week and kissed. We met him and played Curses, this really fun and crazy game where you do different strange actions like sign language everything you say. This will be a great experience for her but we are still feeling overprotective. Andrew and I hiked the Y and the trail is so steep. Yesterday after training for Stadium of Fire, I went up on the balcony of 22 and Andrew serendaded me with his guitar down below. Way precious, extremely enjoyable, and I heart him beaucoup.

Sometimes We Write A Death Song About How We Will Destroy A Movie

Sunday, June 28th- We have been running together more often and I am beginning to enjoy and embrace it. Thursday I made creamed corn and we watched all of Aida. Good times. We visited Summer since she is an EFY counselor, the best one ever. We swam at Meredith's and ate pizza. We came back to my apartment to watch a rented movie. That night we ended up going back to the rental place 4 times because the movie kept skipping. We started at 10 and finally put in the movie at 12:30. Still it was so frustrating because the remote was missing and couldn't push play. Luckily it starts automatically after a while but in subtitles. It's a really funny story looking back at it but at the time I was about to go crazy. Andrew kept me sane and laughed it off. He calmed me down and made everything seem under control. I needed that. Saturday we went to a community service clean-up with the ward and pulled weeds at a trailhead. Andrew and I practiced our duet musical number for sacrament meeting. It was beautiful and I love singing with him. We practiced french like always, I cooked dinner and then we threw a football in the park. I taught him how to throw a spiral since he had never been taught and I learned in the womb. We watched his 5th grade play where he played Scrooge. Adorable. I love the summertime because we can just sit outside, enjoy the sun, and talk. I read the previous entry to Andrew and it was everything he has ever wanted to hear. Later we watched Muppets in Manhattan with ward buddies. Right now we are trying to live in the moment and find a good balance between planning for the future and not dismissing the here and now. Find joy in the journey and seize every moment and opportunity. Sometimes I just want to be engaged already.

I Need You To Hold Me

Monday, June 22- We spent FHE with Stacie and Seth at their soon to be married apt. We had a great lesson about how to be good mothers and fathers and the activity was making pop up cards for each other. Andrew made a crazy bloody biting shark pop up card and mine was a dolphin and sailboat called the S.S. I Freaking Love You. We also watched Dexter's Lab and then did french homework. Helping him learn french is really fun and he does a great job with the accent. Learning french is hard and it is impressive that he is that dedicated to learning it.
Tuesday, June 23- It was another very emotional day but even more intense. We went to devotional and then ended up doing some things separately. There was a wierd vibe between us because Andrew wouldn't look me in the eyes or even really acknowledge my presence. I wanted to leave so many times but I knew something was wrong and I didn't want to run away from him. Finally he broke down and talked to me about something that was weighing down on his mind that had to do with us. He was frustrated by certain things pertaining to PDA and brought his perspective to things. He helped me realize that the way we treat each other and the time we spend together is more important than making other people around us feel comfortable. I'm just sometimes wierd with affection and acted strangely with him earlier in the day. I tend to cry when I realize I could do better, or if I hurt someone's feelings on accident, and when emotions and serious issues arise. This discussion led to a deep part of Andrew's personality that he hasn't learned to deal with and he hates about himself. I know that he thinks about things a lot (which is great because he makes really good observations and notices things about peoples' behavior unlike anyone I know), but he things way more than the average person and needs to share all his thoughts and feelings because they are continually mulled over in his mind and cause him to close off and turn away from people so that he doesn't burden them. I can't say that I completely understand his mind and how this affects him but he tried to explain it. I let him share his fear about burdeing his wife with this part of his personality because it can be intense and his worries are very nit picky. Being emotionally hypersensitive and observant of every behavior and analyzing what it means and worrying about it is very hard for him to handle in himself. I was flooded with emotions and unable to really respond or offer a solution. I was scared and saddened by some of the things he said like he thinks I would be happier marrying someone else who isn't like that. I just held him as he cried and I cried and just offered support and comfort. After a debriefing and a summary of my feelings about what just happened, I told him that he has to be a therapist because maybe this part of his personality will help him in that way. He could really help people understand themselves since he can discern people pretty well and loves talking and listening so that he can help them figure out their lives through his emotional wisdom. This will probably never go away so we have to learn how to contain it and how it can play a healthy part in our relationship. Honestly, this was all probably a culmination of stress from the big life decision he will be making to marrying me and it will probably become less intense as this intense pre-marriage part of our lives is over. According to him, this is his deepest secret and he wanted to make sure I was aware of it because it scares him to think of marrying someone when this is part of what he offers. I told him that he has so much more to offer that outweighs any trouble he thinks this may cause. If this is the worst about him, I can defintely deal with that. I 'm glad that God made me so in love with him and understanding and willing to listen because that is what he needs. I'm not going to lie, I was scared and shaken by some of the things he said but we talked it out and settled our doubts and fears about this. I prayed to know if I can be the type of wife that can handle this or help our relationship find a good balance and place for it. God reminded me in my self doubt that I am extraordinary and love him so much that I can be the perfect helpmeat to him and that I am capable of more than I think I am. I'm so glad that he felt comfortable enough to share something about himself that scares him and is a weakness in his eyes. I reminded him that we are ready to slay anything that tries to break us down. He is slowly becoming more completely comfortable with the idea of marriage as we work through whatever issues that God needs us to learn from or that Satan pushes on him to cause him to doubt his answer from God that we need to marry each other soon. We can be so incredible together and Satan knows that and tries to knock down Andrew's security in himself and his capabilities. His greatest fears are different from most men's and unlike some other men, he understands them and tries to face them which can be concerning to him. His mind works differently and God decided that I could handle this as my first relationship and only. I am being taken on a crazy emotional ride and God is teaching me so much about myself and what a marriage is like. I feel like Andrew is my emotions/relationship guru because I find all of his observations and insight to be so wise and profound. Relationships can get so complicated but as I said before, no complication could push me away or break us down. I am committed to him and he is committed to me. How wonderful!